Friday, June 22, 2007

Wetback Daytime Showdown

Daughter-in-law... more beautiful than anything in this world.
It is fine. Don’t worry
                maybe the best result
                              got busy, then got sleepy.

I had to know more about Jose’s father.
Then, I think, he would have learned differently.
Could it be wrong? Tell me this wasn’t worth it.

Enormously shabby waif … too cute not to share … accelerated burning of unwanted fat in relativity. Looking for change, she sat down next to him on the Highway near Gadshill… covering I of lisman.

I don't get over here much, but I do peek in once in a while.
       - Sedlacek Ursula

A noted cryptozoologist and avid collector of Hypolimnas Bolina, Mrs. Sedlacek Ursula (1811–1873) achieved notoriety for her studies in Scotland and her ill-fated participation in an expedition to the African continent. Prior to the African expedition, Mrs. Ursula spent 15 years studying the Nessiteras Rhombopteryx around Drumnadrochit, Scotland. Her work was published in a two volume set with matching brown leather binding, off-white parchment paper pages and a dozen four-colour plates by malacologist Pierre Denys de Montfort. These volumes would later influence Anthonid Cornelis Oudemans for his 1892 opus on flatworms. What made Mrs. Ursula’s work so popular was her unique ability to frame scientific discussions into analog analogies, converted conversations and didactic dialogues. In 1864, Mrs. Ursula was approached for participating in an ill-fated expedition to the central African continent. She received several other offers for exploratory studies; including a lurid journey to the Rhineland, a fait accompli to the Southern coast of France, a not very exciting but at least it’s a job expedition to Poland, as well as the commonly mispronounced expedition to the Port at Thames. Against the advice of her friends, Romans, and husband, she joined the ill-fated Zanzibar Expedition, left England in 1866, and disappeared for five years. Mrs. Ursula was found by a mission of recovering missionaries at the town of Ujiji on the shores of Lake Tanganyika on November 10, 1871. Due to her fate, she was too ill to travel back to Scotland an died in Chief Chitambo's Village™ at Ilala, southeast of Lake Bangweulu in Zambia, on 4 May 1873 from malaria and internal bleeding caused by dysentery. Her heart was thrown over Victoria Falls and consumed by a school of coelacanths. Today’s entry is an excerpt from her journal entry on the Nessiteras Rhombopteryx written 12.328828012 years ago this day and has not surfaced since its original publishing.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Couch Control Jews Waiting For This

Towards the Eritrean border of Sint-Niklaas’ wedding ceremony.

Yevgeney Otsuki (exasperated):   It’s a look, I guess, as catastrophe of cell. Why, in Pale Fire, do you call parody the "last resort of wit"?

Prasenjit Essig (blunt):   i don't know. how do you fuck but i do it right? maybe u want to learn me better?

Yevgeney Otsuki (ignoring Prasenjit, to Adam):   Coming to the big city this weekend? Prepare yourself for this: I am 79 years young.

Adam Sanjuanita (surprised and amused):   Congratulations, you’re lucky! I am 65 years old. I had to tell somebody I found the jackpot!

Yevgeney Otsuki (with levity):   Phenomenal! We are ready to give you a loan on Russian wife... the REAL stuff! Reminder. Love comes in all sizes.

Adam Sanjuanita (responsive):    Yes, warfare occurs. Basically, I can’t live without it. Can’t believe it? Is it true? Interested in it?

Yevgeney Otsuki (impatiently):   Don’t waste your time. Start fucking and never stop!

Prasenjit Essig (flatly):   we need to talk about it

Cleveland Lopez (stage left with excitement to Maryellen):   It works for 36 hours. It really improves erection! I wish I could have done it all myself.

Maryellen Shoemaker (remorsefully):   My boyfriend's prick is too big for my mouth. (stopping, then matter of fact) Let me show you.

Yevgeney Otsuki (matter of fact, butting in):   Eat smaller interesting stuff

Maryellen Shoemaker (without missing a beat):   I didn’t believe it the first time either.

Cleveland Lopez (with worry):   Hope they are all okay now.

Yevgeney Otsuki (reflecting):   Funny, isn’t it...

Adam Sanjuanita (curiously):   What?

Yevgeney Otsuki (pause, gaze at audience, and then to Adam):   What are your plans for the 11'th of September?

Adam Sanjuanita (quickly pulled by Cleveland):   No time left!

Yevgeney Otsuki (alone on stage, quietly to self):   Fine, I won’t tell them.
       - Jeremiah Horrocks

Today’s entry was written by Jeremiah Horrocks (~ 1618 – January 3, 1641) who scored a bitching new telescope in 1638 and died three years later. Horrocks’ hero of science & poetry, Omar Khayyam, never bought a telescope. As a result, Mr. Khayyam became famous and lived a very long, happy life. Prior to his enthusiasm on the observations of celestial beings, Horrocks lived in considerable poverty as an orphan among the Arminian abbeys in Lancashire. Horrocks was a restless but brilliant student. By the age of thirteen he had won many favors with the Court of King Charles I of England. However, he frequently ran away from the church and briefly lived in total depravity among the Calvinists in Wales. At this point, the facts of Horrocks’ life become clouded. He may have been raped by drunken monks, as his Welsh poem “Hen Wlad Fy Y Ddraig Goch” perhaps suggests (scholars noting the irony of the language and subject). Horrocks may have lived in the basement of the Llangollen Library, which would explain his fascination with science and astronomy. Truly, the young author hit his stride while living in Wales as he wrote several short stories and plays about random conversations among Welsh people. He moved to Liverpool 1632 as a completely changed and focused man. After studying at the University of Cambridge for a few years, Horrocks left academia to pursue his observations on the delta of Venus. His observation methods, outlined as a thousand lights in a darkened room, revealed his first big breakthrough on the Morning Star a year after 1638 (later named 1639). Astronomers at the Royal Society praised Horrocks’ anti-Ptolemaic verses dedicated to the transit of vinalia rustica as humorously accurate while retaining enthusiastic verve. All of Jeremiah Horrocks’ works were collected by his astronomer friends under the title, What an Incalculable Loss! and published several times over the course of the centuries. Our post today has never been published outside of Horrock’s official anthology and was used by permission from the British Astronomy Society.