Feel yourself fine and dandy!

I sense an enemy approaching.
I are sensing a danger!
ZOMG! I’m going to hurlz!

       I’m in ur house – waitn for victimz
        I’m in yer weddin dress, plottin yer divorce from jerkface.

Dear God… I can has cheezburger?
  Whaddya mean “Be the cheezburger”??
Halp! I not cheezburger!
Friez with dat?
Do not want.
I can has cheezburger?
Do not want! Thought I wanted, but no.
        For this… you die in your sleep.

Can it be hugz timez now?
    I must go. My planet needs me.
Look over there yonder!
Iz bird? Iz plaen? Iz cheezburger!!!1!
   Hi. I fall off ur roof.

I has a bunny!
It’s beautiful!
Is hesitating your offer.
Has run out of happy.
The voices are telling me to kill you.
I can kill you with my thoughts.
  I prolly can’t has cheezburger.

Snzzz… I sleeps now.
                Wait… what?
I saw what you did there.
My baloney has a first name, it’s nom nom nom nom nom.
Iz not so gret, aktuly.

Can I has world domination?
   Proceed.
Kthxbye
       - Saturnina Daphne

Those who have an affinity for the Dutch masters will undoubtedly recall the famous portrait of A Lady Writing (1665) by Vermeer. But who was his subject? What was she writing? To whom? Why? Had they known each other long? Ultimately, how did Vermeer come to select his subject? After countless hours of research (which has caused the long delay in posting) at the National Gallery of Art in Washington, DC – our site has discovered that the lady writing is none other than Ms. Saturnina Daphne (November 24, 1639 – September 22, 1699). Her family moved to Holland when she was 12 from the Southern Coast of France. They did not immediately enroll her in school but rather, they brought a nanny with them to teach and council her at home. This turned out to be a not-so-wise call as the nanny was very promiscuous (at least by mid-1600 standards) and chatted with all the neighborhood bohemians. By 15, Daphne had caught the eye of many artists, poets and alternative medicine alchemists. Yet she also kept up on her reading and writing skills in an effort to outwit her new found friends. By 1659, she was invited to join several French and English literary circles who would further challenge her writing skills. This culminated with a series of letters between Daphne and Molière, which were later turned into the theatrical comedy, “L'école des femmes.” In 1663, Ms. Daphne applied to the Prix de Rome scholarship, but was turned down. Feeling enraged and betrayed by her country’s literary society, she applied for and was accepted at the Royal Academy of Painting and Sculpture. Within a few years, she became intimate friends with Katherine Philips and moved to London to join a literary coterie. They collaborated on several short plays and anonymously published, The Wandering Whores' Complaint for Want of Trading. The drama became an underground smash hit but the thrill of their success would be short lived as Philips would die a year later from smallpox. Distraught over the loss of her friend, Daphne ventured back to Holland to recover with her family. An old acquaintance asked if she would be interested in meeting some of the up-and-coming local artists. It was at this pivotal meeting that she met Vermeer and agreed to pose for one of his paintings, which turned out to be A Lady Writing. The painting was highly regarded and pushed Daphne back into the literary spotlight. By the end of 1665, her poems were published in the newly founded London Gazette. Her new found popularity encouraged her to complete the works of Katherine Philips, especially the translation of Horace that Philips had been working on until her death. Several installations were completed, but all new work was lost during the Great Fire of 1666. Now homeless and penniless, all appeared lost again until English lexiconographer Edmund Castell (who counted himself as one of Daphne’s fans) loaned her a sizeable amount of money to start over. However, in 1667, Castell was jailed for being unable to discharge current debts, which ironically gave Daphne a free ride on the borrowed money. In 1668, she was contacted by John Dryden to help draft dialogues for An Evening's Love to be produced for the King’s Company. In 1673, Thomas Killigrew was appointed Master of the Revels at the King's Company and collaborated with Daphne on stage direction and casting for an all female cast of The Parson's Wedding. Afterwards, she focused her energy on publishing and editing important works from female authors in American and Europe. Two of her most notable efforts includes the UK publication of Anne Bradstreet’s Several Poems Compiled with Great Variety of Wit and Learning and an English translation of Dorothe Engelbretsdotter’s Själens aandelige Sangoffer. Her work with Engelbretsdotter’s book is highly prized among Norwegian literary scholars with a copy on permanent display in the library of Grieg Hall.

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