Anthology of Spam Poetry

The End Is Near

2008-11-06T13:02:00.000-08:00

Hello spam poetry readers! For the past month or so I've been working with a music group called Right Speaker Heavy as their lyricist and vocalist. The band sounds great... but I sound like an old man (which makes sense). I have some friends translating and reading the spam poetry posted here in other languages for the band. My proudest moment so far is having one of the shorter poems on this site translated into Urdu!

My goal is to have 120 spam poems posted... so far, I've got 12 more to go. Stay tuned!

Opening the vagina (Live life to the fullest)

2008-08-08T11:43:00.000-07:00

On cosmopolitan at soil - that comprise with backyard in my construction to misconception - in spicy bimonthly have bikini or boots go in psychiatrist explanatory magnesium to reorganize,

      so august by wolfram,
          so immerse be unzip,

at afield particle to annoy that hostess and advertise it by descend.

In drawback wicker emblem, or by rectify elasticity physiology, his countless fever margarine as rugged that rhyme knitting secretarial realisation to pump speech, bespoke challenging clinical in no seventeen frontal as clan announce saline fiesta mischief cartography.

Be anchorage subdued undesirable, disappointing. Forward plus peck no tray meant at socket rumored of insomnia that bonnet prod Nazi or collection as my induction involve no professionalism stole.

His intention on generosity at pretend was likelihood at the augment in flammable latitudes it peso as the interstate of acorn is downright the dinosaur.

Not counterfeit as defective in fear.

No, no breakup. A primer to thaw nitric melt underlie it metropolis in displacement. But do ejaculation monies polyester as risky fundamental in boobs?

Fight for your self-perfection and quest or go fanatic, fantastic to temporal. Distinguished acquisition in lotto commodore accomplish rally liberty!
       - Fu Baolu

Best known as the only athlete from the Republic of China to qualify for the 1936 Olympic Games in Berlin, Fu Baolu (April 20, 1910 – January 10, 1946) led a desperate existence as a man caught between several violent and unforgiving worlds. Fu’s mother was a servant in the northern provincial prefecture of Harbin during the end of the Qing Dynasty. No records indicate his paternal father, although council documents list his father as a “military official.” Forced into labour at an early age, Fu found little time for sports – yet the harsh winters in the Northern Province helped to develop his strong physique. With the fall of the Qinn Dynasty, Fu and his mother moved to a larger community where he was enrolled in school. Being much older than other kids in the same grade level, Fu was often given special attention by the girls of his class. He befriended a girl named Nao who (like Fu) was also a transplant to the larger community. The two became close and shared an enthusiasm for sports. Unlike other girls in her class, Nao was fiercely competitive. This inspired the young Fu to keep up and, over time, the two became strong athletes. Naturally, when the call arrived to their community for athletes to compete in a national game, Fu and Nao signed up. It is believed that during the journey to Beiping (now Beijing) for the trials, Nao encouraged Fu to keep a journal of events as Fu’s earliest entries (more like long dictation about scenery… most likely by Nao) start around this time period. Both qualified for the national team, but Fu had to return four weeks later as news was sent of his mother passing away. The two parted in 1931 and did not see each other again until 1935 when a new call for athletes was issued. Fu tried out and was again accepted. At this point, his journals start back up with an entry about reuniting with Nao. These entries differ from earlier notes as they take on a mature, almost lyrical note. Of special note, Fu and Nao would be playing in the 1936 Olympic Games representing the Republic of China (then, a country only 25 years old). With nearly all their athletes older than the country they represented, the newly formed Republic wanted to make a strong showing after a dismal result with the 1932 Games. Yet, no money was allocated to transport the team to Germany for the games… so each player had to borrow and work their way across the Asian continent. Of the delegation participating, only Fu reached the semi-final of his event with 3.80m in the pole vault (Fu had to borrow a pole as he could not bring one with him). The Republic’s one shot at Olympic glory was cast down when Fu was quickly eliminated during the finals. When the Games concluded, the team - broke, broken-hearted and thousands of miles from home – attempted to stay in Europe and earn a living conducting martial arts demonstrations. However, they were called back to their country within four months due to the invasion of the Japanese forces at Beijing and Tianjin in July 1937. Upon their arrival in Shanghai, Nao was immediately placed under arrest as it was uncovered that she was actually Japanese (her real name was Naoko Shirane). Her family had fled Japan during the Russo–Japanese War as their village was under constant bombardment. They took Chinese names and assimilated into one of the Northern provinces. No additional records of Nao and her family exist. Fu was devastated and his journal entries (albeit sporadic) were dark and discordanant. He was enlisted as an officer and witnessed several massacres at the hands of the Japanese forces. He was captured at the Battle of South Shanxi in May 1941. During captivity, he discovered that the captain of the guards was a relative of Nao’s family. When word spread about the relationship Fu had with Nao, both parties (his captors and his comrades) ridiculed and tortured him ceaselessly. He was given several opportunities for suicide, but he refused believing that Nao was still alive on the mainland. The entire prison camp was released during the chaos of the Changjiao massacre in 1943. Alone, abandoned and disillusioned, Fu retreated to the Huqiu Temple in Suzhou. He spent his remaining days sending thinly veiled meditation poems to cities across the continent calling out for Nao to return to him. Fu died from complications with tuberculosis in 1946. He was drafting a lengthy sonnet to the moon as a mirror of Nao’s sad eyes. Fifty years later, descendants of Fu’s family would slowly piece together his journals and meditations. Copies of his pre and post Olympic Game journals have been sent to the International Olympic Committee and Princeton University (our source for today’s post) while the originals are now kept with the Hong Kong Arts Development Council. Today’s poem is from Fu’s journal dated August 14, 1936. It was near the end of the Olympic Games in Berlin and the poem reveals the utter exhaustion of the team members, the confusion they felt in a strange land, the political environment surrounding the Games and his hope for the new Republic back home. Translation service for today’s post was provided by 編集　知影。

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Feel yourself fine and dandy!

2008-08-01T11:42:00.000-07:00

I sense an enemy approaching.
I are sensing a danger!
ZOMG! I’m going to hurlz!

       I’m in ur house – waitn for victimz
        I’m in yer weddin dress, plottin yer divorce from jerkface.

Dear God… I can has cheezburger?
  Whaddya mean “Be the cheezburger”??
Halp! I not cheezburger!
Friez with dat?
Do not want.
I can has cheezburger?
Do not want! Thought I wanted, but no.
        For this… you die in your sleep.

Can it be hugz timez now?
    I must go. My planet needs me.
Look over there yonder!
Iz bird? Iz plaen? Iz cheezburger!!!1!
   Hi. I fall off ur roof.

I has a bunny!
It’s beautiful!
Is hesitating your offer.
Has run out of happy.
The voices are telling me to kill you.
I can kill you with my thoughts.
  I prolly can’t has cheezburger.

Snzzz… I sleeps now.
                Wait… what?
I saw what you did there.
My baloney has a first name, it’s nom nom nom nom nom.
Iz not so gret, aktuly.

Can I has world domination?
   Proceed.
Kthxbye
       - Saturnina Daphne

Those who have an affinity for the Dutch masters will undoubtedly recall the famous portrait of A Lady Writing (1665) by Vermeer. But who was his subject? What was she writing? To whom? Why? Had they known each other long? Ultimately, how did Vermeer come to select his subject? After countless hours of research (which has caused the long delay in posting) at the National Gallery of Art in Washington, DC – our site has discovered that the lady writing is none other than Ms. Saturnina Daphne (November 24, 1639 – September 22, 1699). Her family moved to Holland when she was 12 from the Southern Coast of France. They did not immediately enroll her in school but rather, they brought a nanny with them to teach and council her at home. This turned out to be a not-so-wise call as the nanny was very promiscuous (at least by mid-1600 standards) and chatted with all the neighborhood bohemians. By 15, Daphne had caught the eye of many artists, poets and alternative medicine alchemists. Yet she also kept up on her reading and writing skills in an effort to outwit her new found friends. By 1659, she was invited to join several French and English literary circles who would further challenge her writing skills. This culminated with a series of letters between Daphne and Molière, which were later turned into the theatrical comedy, “L'école des femmes.” In 1663, Ms. Daphne applied to the Prix de Rome scholarship, but was turned down. Feeling enraged and betrayed by her country’s literary society, she applied for and was accepted at the Royal Academy of Painting and Sculpture. Within a few years, she became intimate friends with Katherine Philips and moved to London to join a literary coterie. They collaborated on several short plays and anonymously published, The Wandering Whores' Complaint for Want of Trading. The drama became an underground smash hit but the thrill of their success would be short lived as Philips would die a year later from smallpox. Distraught over the loss of her friend, Daphne ventured back to Holland to recover with her family. An old acquaintance asked if she would be interested in meeting some of the up-and-coming local artists. It was at this pivotal meeting that she met Vermeer and agreed to pose for one of his paintings, which turned out to be A Lady Writing. The painting was highly regarded and pushed Daphne back into the literary spotlight. By the end of 1665, her poems were published in the newly founded London Gazette. Her new found popularity encouraged her to complete the works of Katherine Philips, especially the translation of Horace that Philips had been working on until her death. Several installations were completed, but all new work was lost during the Great Fire of 1666. Now homeless and penniless, all appeared lost again until English lexiconographer Edmund Castell (who counted himself as one of Daphne’s fans) loaned her a sizeable amount of money to start over. However, in 1667, Castell was jailed for being unable to discharge current debts, which ironically gave Daphne a free ride on the borrowed money. In 1668, she was contacted by John Dryden to help draft dialogues for An Evening's Love to be produced for the King’s Company. In 1673, Thomas Killigrew was appointed Master of the Revels at the King's Company and collaborated with Daphne on stage direction and casting for an all female cast of The Parson's Wedding. Afterwards, she focused her energy on publishing and editing important works from female authors in American and Europe. Two of her most notable efforts includes the UK publication of Anne Bradstreet’s Several Poems Compiled with Great Variety of Wit and Learning and an English translation of Dorothe Engelbretsdotter’s Själens aandelige Sangoffer. Her work with Engelbretsdotter’s book is highly prized among Norwegian literary scholars with a copy on permanent display in the library of Grieg Hall.

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how would i get into it that morning

2008-05-30T11:41:00.000-07:00

Glamorous glitters on your wrist.
I missed.
And some of them are so esoteric.

I could not believe my eyes.
Bricks
Get laid over and over.

Give her womb a good massage.
Nothing is quite as satisfying.
I... felt like I owed it to you.

There will be no more games in the bedroom.
Virility paradise is here.
All your days of being laughed at are over.

Great cucumber is your wealth;
Wet and desperate for you.

Win all the time with this,
The key to fame and fortune.
Subject her to a punishing ride.
- Pascal Menáce

A liturgical scribe from 1521-1538 with the Church of England, Pascal Menáce (March 31, 1499 – March 25, 1561) witnessed firsthand the transition of the Church from its time under papal authority to the separation from Rome in 1534 during the reign of King Henry VIII. While the transition was especially difficult for the clergy, many scribes felt liberated from the drab and tedious tasks associated with drafting daily devotionals. Our poet today would be included in that group and would later rise to literary prominence in other fields, but more on that in a moment. Initially, Pascal Menáce belonged to a tiny (but no less trivial) group of polyhistorians of the 16th century and, being an erudite, mastered Latin and Greek and was particularly fond of linguistic curiosities. Once the separation of the Church of England was complete, Menáce’s work began to flourish with his graceful yet working class approach to (what was once) complex, lofty devotional prayers. During this time, he created what became the most recited prayer by stagecoach drivers across the British Empire: "Ave Maria, plenus a venia. Succurro mihi reperio a ortus locus." He was then appointed to the editorial board for the King Henry Version of the Holy Bible (published in 1568 as the Bishops' Bible) where he took certain editorial liberties by inserting the phrase “Once upon a time” to Genesis 1:1. Having accomplished so much, and facing mounting pressures to create another smash hit devotional, Menáce decided to leave the Church and pursue other avenues of creative writing… trekking across Europe and exploring the major centers of commerce. During this time he befriended numerous artists and began writing poetry about the Nuremberg and Venetian fashion scenes. Studies of personal letters to his friends Dürer and Holbein reveal that Menáce believed his work was part of a never-ending crusade on those who persist in looking really unfortunate in public. Menáce was particularly excited about the bright colours, bold prints, and sassy looks evolving from the antiquated and (quite honestly) not very flattering traditional leather jerkins with doublets, hoses and codpieces. The big poofy blouses, gowns of light-weight silk over a bodice and skirt (or kirtle) and an open-necked partlet by the newest Italian designers were becoming all the rage, and Menáce was there to see it all happen. He also documented the demise of the severe, rigid fashions from the Spanish court falling out of favor to the fabulous Dutch with their tall hats along with brocade gowns with fur-lined "trumpet" sleeves and matching overpartlets with flared collars. As exciting and impossibly stylish as the Dutch were (at least to Menáce), their overpartlet designs would not survive as fashionable items in England. His poetic editorial on these tres amusant inspired countless populations to see clothing as a statement rather than a questionable function. And the shoes... my God the shoes! Menáce’s poems translating Oriental foot binding techniques inspired designers to view the regime as a means of encouraging aesthetically narrower styles. Again, the Italians dominated the market with their fabulously exciting new selections that screamed attitude. To wit, today’s post is from a review by Menáce on a new line introduced by Milan’s Pattini Negozio. Un autre réalisation: Had he been alive today, Pascal Menáce would have savored the ultra fab and classy shoes from Mephisto, the sexy craftsmanship of Ferragammo, or the supple au courant lines by Allen Edmonds. By the end of 1550s, our featured poet had achieved another high mark in his career, heralded as a most subversive fashion writer of the decade. His final work (published a month before his death) was a prophetic pseudovérité incursion into the world of the burgeoning Parisian haute couture. The largest known public collection of Menáce’s poetry is on permanent display in Florence, Italy at the headquarters of The House of Gucci.

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the acne notice next january

2008-02-29T11:40:00.000-08:00

There small another know with five.
Together play they large parts about food country it.
Help hard parts after time write her try.
Against or place did big only of why think knew.
Hand no several last that give do almost they.
To man was you.

Tell also change point toward.
Animals today earth these sentence go land.
Set day on any.
Once need head whole next best also kind.
They with was before.
After who different things since under back place.

      Feet better heard point left once their.
      Were land night let those place earth kind have.
      In near has know against change one.
      These give what same him may there after also.

Days since find men thing days across while high who.
Head let high hand.
With back himself across.
Then tell thought next get between me being.
Back thought began feet.
       - Maritsa Vanderwesthuizen

Although not a published poet in the traditional sense and yet revered as a major influence on Western Philosophy while concurrently notable for her contribution to the field of glass blowing and notwithstanding her accomplishments in crafting modern culinary strategies for potato latkes and frequently cited among scholars as the driving force behind determining atomic weights and numbering, Mrs. Maritsa Vanderwesthuizen (November 13, 1862 – September 23, 1939) will always be remembered as the maniacal, fun-loving, dare-devil aunt and mistress of Ludwig Wittgenstein. The canon of her work is comprised of one poem in nine parts written predominantly in anapestic tetrameter over twenty-three stanzas often with related couplets or triplets. The poem was written over the course of Ludwig’s mother’s pregnancy during which Vanderwesthuizen was engaged as the midwife and family terra cotta sculptress. After Ludwig’s birth, Vanderwesthuizen flung the pages of her poem around the drawing room, picking them up in a random order. Years later, when she would read to the young Ludwig, Vanderwesthuizen would randomize the order of the poem to encourage his abandonment of empirical explanation for linguistic description. Today’s post is from her singular epic poem ("Nie mehr zu frueh kommen?") and is a translated version from the new Polish text published in 1974 by Golden Chao Press.

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fight frustration with this but customize your win

2008-02-12T11:39:00.000-08:00

Take what your water long.
Before me picture number life study thing.
Best hard will high.
We land few them got land.

Under animals play this than a.
Let be too above take her.
With five paper tell.

Will father far life told second better.
Into world light today large a word night.
In do can sound back life again.

- Marisela Marisela

Apologies on the lateness of this post as biographical information on Marisela Marisela (September 22, 1827 - ? 1878) is scarce and scattered. What I have uncovered is that her full name (via a poorly archived facsimile copy of her birth certificate) was Marisela Rhys Marisela - although she never signed her full name, even on official documents. She was born at Cumorah Hill in Manchester, New York to parents of German and Spanish decent. Their names are illegible on the certificate due to a crease in the paper where the names were written. She developed spasmodic dysphonia at an early age (~ her early 20s) and was treated (according to visitor logs) with various holistic medicine applications at Hot Springs, Arkansas. She married Confederate Major General John Austin Wharton before he moved to Texas... not after as some records indicate. Upon his death, Marisela Marisela moved to Memphis, Tennessee to be with Major General Wharton’s family. She lived in a small two-bedroom house on what remained of the Wharton plantation and would frequently visit the rural areas of the region to provide help for recovering families. She composed poetry and plays as entertainment for the children to help them forget the mayhem and destruction caused by the War of Northern Aggression. A collection of these poems was published in 1869 by East Tennessee University that included works by Henry Timrod and Paul Hamilton Hayne. This would be her only published work while she was alive. Medical records at the Vanderbilt University Medical Center show Marisela Marisela as one of the thousands of people who died from yellow fever in the Memphis area in 1878. Unfortunately, there is no date as she passed away in a rural clinic and was transferred postmortem with hundreds of other tagged bodies. A posthumous collection of her writing was published in 1894 by the University of Tennessee Press. This book (titled You Told Me That You Will Reply Back) collected additional poems composed during the final years of Marisela Marisela’s life. The book also contains a collection of journal entries where the poet transcribed the rambling hallucinogenic delirium of yellow fever patients. Her transcriptions were so intimate that the Archives of General Psychiatry referenced them nearly 50 years later for an article on Cotard's syndrome [Arch Gen Psychiatry. 1945;2(4):133-138]. Today’s post is from You Told Me... with copyrights secured from the Library of Congress Poetry and Literature Center.

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hope you feel better soon tomorrow

2008-01-22T11:38:00.000-08:00

Look each took top above air soon things point.
Form too today men this boys again never.
Home in on today.
That next show than something.
So also went called me important light old.

Got say back means around hear.
Good mother most important called year saw.
Thought miles a far would.

Big different look been.
Play all paper people with into far people take.
Like sentence looked this.
A below who means hard name.

Several them men who better want sentence went things school.
Being go very because do called give.
Small should since all was last.
Far with those did those after saw little.
Also again can day.
Never then if learn.

Set had keep also large.
Time feet several saw began.
Off picture paper should.
High can through give parts time these find.
- Lilyan Tashman

The Jewish-Armenian silent film actress Lilyan Tashman (October 23, 1899 – March 21, 1934) is best known as one of the tragic icons of the silent film era; however she composed poetry as part of her private journal writing during the last few years of her life. It all started after filming completed for the comedy "Girls About Town" (1931) in which Tashman plays a yenta who falls for a yutzi goym instead of the balebetishen yidden (a real hamisch) that her lovely mother has picked out. Her mother, feeling chaloshes over her daughter’s actions, decides to consult the neighborhood balmalocha – he’s nice, but also known as being a little meshugass. The mother, ungepatched and fahklumpt, cries to the balmalocha about her little yenta. Taking pity on the poor woman’s shpilkes, the balmalocha decides to send a shiksa from an Italian neighborhood to cut off the goy’s shmeckle. Oy vey! The mother – realizing the old man is indeed meshugeneh – runs off to find her rabbi. The rabbi turns out to be a very sensible man (L’Shem L’Shem L’Shem) and shleps over to see the little yenta in person. Hilarity ensues when the rabbi nearly plotz as he sees the little yenta patschkieing with the dirty shlemiel. The rabbi yells out, “Gevalt geshreeyeh! You are turning to a meeskite! Shande Shande Shande!” and gives the little yenta a spanking on the tuchis she’ll never forget. The little yenta runs back to her loving mishpachas, marries a nice hamisch recommended by the neighborhood shadchen (thus, making her mother absolutely kvell) and everyone sings “Vos vet zein, vet zein!” Anyway, after Tashman had finished this movie, which turned out to be her last major film appearance, she was diagnosed with cancer that left her bedridden with pain and sadness. During the long hours of treatment, she would pull out a little notebook and compose prose to help pass the time and ease her suffering. Her journal was not discovered until after her death by her husband Edmund Lowe. A year later, he arranged to have a small selection of prose published in the newly renamed New York Post, with a majority of her writing remaining unavailable. Only recently has interest in Tashman’s life resurfaced with today’s post taken from a soon-to-be-published biography that will include pages from her journal as well as a DVD compilation of her silent film career.

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Personalized Letters from Santa

2007-12-12T11:37:00.000-08:00

Revolutionary mortgage concept:
Can you be hypnotized?
Caution!! You will be approved!

(No embarrassment
)

Prepare to be amazed!
You've been granted access!
Follow these instructions very carefully!

Your cat	Friends on the inside
inks	cash out
romance	your cat
sample from	facials.
new apple
lingerie	Exclusive
cards.	aromatic
	green tea science
Professional	health
wild girls	cards
feature	pampered
slots, the book!	your cat
	professional.
Golden egg
development	Your doctor
reports	inks
chocolate	normal sexual life
North Pole	success
incentive	stimulation.
results.
	Amazing Fly Monkey
	shamanism
	development
	makes your life better with
	stocking stuffers
	creating coffee connoisseurs for decades.

The machines are never complaining prisoners subjected to daily humiliations that were the computers.
- Stiofa Cervantes

GOD bless me gentle (or it may be plebeian) reader… how eagerly must thou be looking forward to this biography, expecting to find here my scolding and abuse against the illegitimate great-granddaughter of a certain “sword-wielding fugitive from justice” — I mean she who was, they say, begotten at Tordesillas and born at Tarragona. Well then, the truth is Stiofa Cervantes (December 9, 1806 – December 16, 1857) never quite achieved the fame and notoriety as her surname should have bequeathed. Yet, I am not going to give thee the satisfaction of ridicule; for thou wouldst have me call her ass, fool, and mahout, but I have no such intention. If her wounds have no beauty to the beholder's eye, they are, at least, honourable in the estimation of those who know where they were received; for the soldier shows to greater advantage dead in battle than alive in flight. I wonder at her unrecognized genius and admire her works and unceasing, strenuous industry; for I know well what the temptations of the devil are. The poor man may retain honour, but not the vicious; poverty may cast a cloud over nobility, but cannot hide it altogether. Thou needst say no more of her, nor will I say anything more to thee, save to tell thee to bear in mind that this selection of poetry which I offer thee is cut by the same craft and cloth as Stiofa Cervantes’ greatest achievements. While she at length dead and buried, so that no one may dare to bring forward any further evidence against her, for that already produced is sufficient; and suffice it, too, that some reputable person should have given an account of all these shrewd lunacies of her without going into the matter again; for abundance, even of good things, prevents them from being valued; and scarcity, even in the case of what is bad, confers a certain value. To thee I leave this final footnote; Stiofa was felled by an earthquake while vacationing in Naples during her birthday celebration. A greater tragedy none could dream.

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Agog Represent Hesitatingly (sonnet for VlAmGRRA & ClALhllS)

2007-12-06T11:36:00.000-08:00

His voice was mild when he
stared at her.

What is it?

She was thankful when
the servants came hurrying.
Alice was the last to join,
the several servants nodded.

As she came to the difficult
step forward
, Nicholaa nodded. Yes, above
what if you be the one to follow my husbands.

The servants nodded.

She didn’t turn to Royce but
Nicholaa muttered to herself.

She passed her old chamber and…
gathering round the fires throwing into the flames the remains of sheds, chairs, tables, wheels, tubs, and Prince Andrew or Dolgorukov. Her presentiment at the time had not deceived her that that state of freedom and readiness for any Old Gabriel.

She seated herself across the cyvasse table from her father, the fat Myrish priest who used to drink with Robert. “It is the size of ones cock which determines success.”

Yet the wildling girl liked to huddle near the hearth, as if the cold ashes still held was only saying that to encourage your brother to be more diligent.
- Dionysus Chavez

The biography of Dionysus Chavez (?1730 – December 14, 1799) remains obscured by clouds and up the Khyber, yet what is clearly known was his involvement with founding el Pueblo de San José de Guadalupe in 1777. The most commonly accepted history of Chavez is that he was a member of the lost expedition from Spanish Franciscan priest Junipero Serra. As one of a saucerful of survivors, Chavez and the remaining fearless crew wandered west from the Gulf Coast into the northern Mexican territory, stopping at villages and campsites of Native American tribes along the way. At some point, Chavez wandered alone in the Baja California Desert with his bible, notebooks, and minor provisions. Chavez was purported to have made ink using soot and gum arabic (a common formula for traveling Franciscans) which he used to document several species of small furry animals gathered together in a cave and is noted for discovering the Boojum tree and Creeping Devil cactus. Chavez arrived in the California Valley and settled with the Juaneño natives sometime around 1772-3. Soon afterwards, a franchise from the Free Four Order of Friars Minor arrived in the area and asked Chavez to join their Order and build an aggressive campaign to convert the Juaneño natives. Chavez agreed, and during this time wrote several collections of prayers, choruses, and devotional poems utilizing Castilian Spanish (rumored to be his native tongue) and the Luiseño language. Collections of these writings were made into two volumes during Chavez’s lifetime; Cats on Wine – which contained relics of his early writings and, Toshño Om Chaami – a collection of great dance songs. While Chavez’s work is venerated by the Catholic Church (originals are stored at the Bibliotheca Apostolica Vaticana), Native American groups have denounced Chavez’s writings as simply documentation of the forced conversion of the tribes to Catholicism (especially the chapter “Scream Thy Last Scream” from Toshño Om Chaami). Chavez’s works were translated into Italian during the Second Ecumenical Council of the Vatican (Pompeii) with no other official translations acknowledged by the Holy See. However, our site has found an English translation from the Thorgerson Library of Hertfordshire and secured posting by permission.

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No Longer Enthralled [limerick]

2007-12-01T11:35:00.000-08:00

At last you've found a gal that's hot
You wanna plough her moistened twat.
She looks so sizzling, she's so nice!
But would your penile size suffice?
Not sure she will yearn for more?
You need a dic'k she would adore!
But how to grow it long and thick?
Your only hope is MegaDik!
You'll get so wanted super-size
And see wild craving in her eyes!
Your rod will pound her box so deep,
Tonight you'll hardly fall asleep!
So try today this magic p'ill
And change your life at your own will!
- Wilmer I. Camacho

Our entry today was written by Wilmer I. Camacho (January 6, 1832 – October 12, 1892) who was married for 15 years to the Hungarians with a less than average size cock. He had given away a scholarship to someone to write his biography establishing its reputation but also doing good things. His brother, Europe, wondered aloud from the back of his carriage how but even with all that praise, by the early 1890s One searches similarly in vain for photographs of A Cheap Price for Freedom without an appointment. He couldn’t have sex in the woods at night when he casually mentioned 300 doctors were hunted down to provide fresh inheritance instruction payment of $18 million USD only. In his lecture, the Archbishop Europe acknowledged that he left the cottage himself and that perhaps the right people were finally starting to listen to Camacho. And yet there was still a lingering sense that as well as the story, there were a lot of guys down at the bottom waiting to devote time to watching Camacho’s lackluster performance. His regret clearly changed his plea to guilty at Portugal (“You were wondering, I’m Jewish.”). One day, the Daily Mail reported Camacho and Europe got into the summer and early fall of 1892. Chancellor Lamontlength, of their practice theory, appeared to fly in the face of reality. At times the fateful evening had a better chance of getting all his views across if, instead of granting the subject of nationalism, a great communication; if we lived in a country that back from a 1-0 deficit to defeat Sweden....

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Strawberry-Blonde Food Stamp

2007-11-20T11:34:00.000-08:00

Revered maestro,
inexorably clodhopper,
why be an average guy any longer?

Shamefaced he thrash
as cesare into cauldron,
and collard that cyclorama
on dragnet mine recipient.
Unroted, unrotted, unrotten.

Can you tell me what's wrong
and how we can fix it,
Strawberry-blonde dissident?

A burst of laughter startled
mysterious pickup truck.

Eurasian wheelbarrow,
greatest mode to treatment yourself,
Not those waterloo or this comb.
The others had obviously heard.
- Sir Gregory Williams

Very little is known of Sir Gregory Williams’ (November 17, 1747 – February 29, 1820) life and personality. The few anecdotes which we have of him include rumors of the occasional tryst with Marie-Anne Pierette Paulze (despite being 11 years her senior) during her research visits to England along with writing elaborate plays involving philosophical and scientific dialogues as farce-operettas. He lived in France for several years, but fled during the summer of 1792 and vowed never to return. While attending a congress of innocently exiled French scientists, Sir Williams met Madame Paulze (who was newly widowed by this time) and the two formed an uneasy, academically charged friendship. Madame was said to admire Sir Williams’ understated arrogance as with the time when someone rudely reprimanded him for an unavoidable delay in appearing at Joseph Priestley’s house in Clapton (near Hackney) to read his newest farcical play, An Grammatically Correct History of Thee Corruptions of Christianity. Once scolded, he put the play in his pocket and left, refusing to return. The friendship with benefits continued as Madame moved to Ithaca, New York in 1812. Several interviews and biographies of Madame Pierette Paulze mention the important role Sir Williams played in providing counter-points to Madame’s essays and manuscripts. His last letter to Madame from December 23, 1819 was a quick retort that stated, “Facts are stubborn things."

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overcome the bees [haiku]

2007-10-27T11:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Instigator,
Hi honey! Remember me?
(Know this is private)

         Want to smile again?
         Return sunrise to your life?
         Join me in Beijing.

Womanly demon
Young and inexperienced
Improves sperm flavor

         Make her worship you
         No negative side effects
         Her pussy wont know!

Be all you can be
And in all that time, did you?
Think again buddy
       - Furqan Takada

The live fast, die faster lifestyle of feng shui master Furqan Takada (October 27, 1920 – October 27, 1949) was equally tragic as it was intense. Born to a catholic mother in Geneva, Switzerland who had escaped the Belfast riots two months earlier, Takada was half Japanese and half Irish. While not a secret, Takada’s mother had a lengthy affair with the poet Manhae however; it has been proven that Takada’s father was not the famed poet. Takada’s parents had lived in Seoul for several years (his mother was a fashion model while his father was an engineer with the Sino-British division of Harland and Wolff shipyards) until the Samil Movement began spiraling out of control. On the occasion of a particular violent demonstration, Takada’s father took sides with the Korean uprising and was severely beaten by Japanese police. The couple was transported back to Ireland for medical care with Takada’s father dying under a year later. A widow with a newborn son, Takada’s mother took a job at a bakery but later moved into banking. Early in his life, Takada displayed a knack for reading and writing. His handwriting was especially neat and clean as early as six years old and his disposition for reading and comprehending philosophy and medical text was considered – by some – miraculous. At 20, Furqan Takada graduated from Universität Basel, focusing on theology and economics with his thesis on consumer-based theocracy continuing to spark debate around the campus. He attempted to pursue a doctorate in science (mainly astrology) but grew restless and (with a loan from his mother) started a furniture consulting agency. His trademark, writing recommendations in poetic form on very high quality papers, became highly prized chits among the literary elite. A patron invited Takada to write the first thirteen chapters of the Douay-Rheims Bible on 400 year old animal vellum. These pages were then framed and auctioned at ridiculous prices due in large part to the unique elegance of Takada’s handwriting. Two years later, the same patron secured a dozen sheets of Imperial mitsumatagami and asked Takada to transcribe several Buddhist scriptures onto them. Takada finished six sheets, each selling at ludicrous collector prices... much to Takada’s disbelief. In early 1948, Takada started dating French violinist, Ginette Neveu with the two announcing plans for marriage by summer 1949. On October 27, the couple boarded an Air France flight en route to series of concert engagements. All 48 passengers on board the flight, including the famous French boxing champion Marcel Cerdan, died when the plane flew into a mountain after two failed attempts to make a landing at the São Miguel Island airport in the Azores. It is said that Neveu's body was found clutching their marriage vows written by Takada. Today’s entry is from a posthumous lithographic collection of Takada’s writing (titled Pro Tanto Quid Retribuamus) and is published on our site with direct permission from Takada’s estate.

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Some useful advices for you health

2007-10-11T11:32:00.000-07:00

As young man
Be the stud you should be instantly
Be a secret shopper
Be always ready
Be careful of cheap imitations
Be confident and stand tall
Be full of energy and fill your partner with it
Be gaastra to earp
Be heading
Be satisfied for life
Be the “biggest” out of all your friends
Be the best
Be the man you can be today
Be the most confident man in town
Beater more insane
These positions will help you reach your peak.
- Gertrude Laakkonen

Among the poets of the circumpolar peoples, none is more revered than Gertrude Laakkonen (October 2, 1452 – November 10, 1518). Raised in Sámi culture before the mass conversion by the Russian Monk Trifon, Laakkonen’s family made a comfortable living on the husbandry of rangifer tarandus fennicus. Her family’s expansive ranch (named Joulumuori) in Joulupukki, Finland provided the ideal location for Laakkonen to contemplate the eternal question of the sielulintu, "Onkos täällä kilttejä lapsia?" During a moment of random clarity, Laakkonen received a vision of the answer. The results were developed into an epic poem using the heroic form to convey an adventure in discovering the answer. Scholars of the Sámi culture have pondered an exact translation of the title for this work with the general consensus agreeing that Need help sleeping? Read this! is a close approximate without loosing the verve and tone of the original. The poem is known only from a single manuscript, created in alliterative measure and makes extensive use of elided metaphors that circulates the stress in a line to fall on the first syllable of the word that alliterates with a choice of epithets or formulae to use in order to fulfill the alliteration, including sets of metrical compounds that are varied according to alliterative needs. Volunteers from the Faculty of Humanities at the University of Tampere are developing a new transilliteration for Project Gutenberg with a projected completion date of December 6, 2009. Our site has the incredible fortune of being the first to post a page from the original manuscript – directly from the scholars at the University of Tampere.

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Invitation touted Heck of a time

2007-09-11T11:31:00.000-07:00

New
   maniacs
      power
         spree
            snacks!
Make it Melt.   Easy.   Only here.
You should check it.
Make it flat.
Turquoise.

Do you know what is coming tomorrow, mitochondrial maestro?
If a relaxing moment turns into the right moment, will you be ready?
We need to talk about it.
Because she'll love your
corrupted file
  with my season
    without Sabbath from twenty cubits.

In today's society the hegemonic belief surrounding
Mexicans can't be terrorists
why, in pale fire, do you call parody the "last resort of wit"?

They were moving swiftly and purposefully,
their torches swinging and probing around them.
Hands were slowly raised in greeting.
Gentle grain of sand
making adjustments
that display the sovereign remedy things have baptism ourselves barter.

Kinked Yiddish
hot vacancy!
     Your second youth
      blue pill premier.

Become the ultimate pleasure machine:
Restore happy holiday greetings
  from the pharmacy America trusts.

Please do this before open
opening bell.
       - Erik Brynjolfsson

A pioneer in the field of reproductivity in the workplace, Erik Brynjolfsson (1884 – 1954) was best known as the first director of the Center for Analogue Business at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Brynjolfsson graduated magma cum laude in economic theology from Lund University in 1905. His theorems on reverse technology attracted the attention of John Jakob Raskob, who immediately hired Brynjolfsson upon graduation and provided for his passage across the Atlantic in 1907 on the SS Kaiser Wilhelm der Große. While employed by Raskob, Mr. Brynjolfsson composed policies touting interhemispheric non-interventionist military policy under the guise of economic rationalism. Cynics claimed his theories closely echoed the Monroe Doctrine’s long tail of intangible assets. Yet Brynjolfsson kept publishing theory after theory, which proved too much for Raskob to deflect. Brynjolfsson found himself joining the faculty of MIT on April 6, 1917. During his early years with the cardinal red and gray, Brynjolfsson’s most popular course, "Thee Economics of an Economic Information Economy: Suturing Strategy, Structure and Pricing with thee Internal Organs of Capital" provided the breeding ground for proficiency models on negative utopias. However, it was Brynjolfsson’s academic opus “The Industrial Use of Semen Will Revolutionize the Human Race (IHTFP)” that earned him the dictatorship at the (then) newly formed Alfred P. Sloan School of Management at MIT. Brynjolfsson continued his isolated isolationist theories in isolation by crafting critical analysis in poetic form in the school newspaper, The Tech. Today’s entry was taken from the May 7, 1937 edition (with the theme: Ode to Humanity) and showcases Brynjolfsson’s criticism of the thinking behind the United States’ involvement during the War To End All Wars. Readers will notice the genuflection in today's entry between hurt national pride and global self-loathing. Unfortunately, a collection of Brynjolfsson’s poems has not been collected as when asked about such a collection, Brynjolfsson responded with the final words, “bituminous coal.”

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The superficial emptiness with thousands of happy customers

2007-09-03T11:30:00.000-07:00

Good evening. Thank you.
4 girls from our site want to meet you
before opening bell,
ridiculously boy.

The reason behind it
Maybe fifteen thousand of them, tops.
get better after that…
I show you how far the rabbit hole goes

A few inches can make a real difference
as noblesville itself
can never tell the difference.

misfit Antarctica Guru
Locked up like John the Baptist
taking my ancient name wrestling…
They should have let it all be.

Read this please
Know this is private:

"I loc ked t'h*e d+o.o+r to t'h,e h all, turn'ed o.u-t the ir light-s, a_n+d w'e n't i.n_t_o my b,edr'oom, whe.re I s,a,t a.while list,enin*g to t'h*e'm w*hi*spering, movi_ng furni+tu-re, a_n*d settl*i-ng d+o'w-n_."

See this revered anomaly?!
It's just before the last tree on the left side.
Nor she did make any attempt to go out of doors that morning, but lay curled up
until certain…
inexorably wedding dress
won't forget last night.

This is too crazy!
I g,o+t t h+e h e+l-l o*u't f.a,s.t'.
Et vous appelez cela exister.
- Palatals H. Ephesus

A Syrian neoplatonist philosopher who determined the direction taken by later Neoplatonic philosophy, and perhaps western Paganism itself, Palatals H. Ephesus (c. 256 – April 331) is perhaps best known for providing the foundation of Diocletian's first "Edict against the Christians", published on February 24, 303. Only a fraction of Ephesus’ books have survived, most of them having been destroyed during the Christianization of the Roman Empire. Today’s poem (from the opening scroll of a triad) was composed and orated by Ephesus during the first congress of the city of San Marino, which ironically was founded by Marinus of Rab, a Christian stonemason fleeing the religious persecution of Diocletian. Ephesus was also something of a linguistic prankster cum genius. According to legend, Ephesus created an elaborately crafted scroll that he passed to Porphyry of Tyre claiming it to be the original Book of Daniel as written by a writer in the time of Antiochus Epiphanes. Poor Porphyry was so convinced of the scroll’s authenticity that he based his entire Adversus Christianos around Ephesus’ hoax. Another example of Ephesus grammatical virtuosity is given in a faux biography he created of a fictional older brother to Pythagoras. The work, titled Slapping Pythagoras, was written entirely as a transliteration from ancient Greek (composing the original in ancient Greek and then translating into not-so-ancient Greek) and finds the unnamed older brother claiming to have won a wrestling contest where the loser would leave their home city of Samos. The rest is as autos ephe.

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With the rude multitude till I return

2007-07-05T11:29:00.000-07:00

A little secret to make you private life more interesting!

As fast as 30 minutes, they were married an hour late. As your friendly chestnut bed squeaked from their orgasmotron, she lied… unpaid, despondent… pressing herein then menlo. She smiled with pleasure nonchalantly.

“As it happens, it’s a very nice butt.”

Their clothes were discarded as destitute mine cadmium fritter sheepskin gemma. He was too busy reacting to trichloroacetic and scurvy Girl Scout orange juice.

“It’s my seduction, not yours.” He shook his head. He found his first smile. Can it be I found the jackpot:

Good day, gentleman

Today everything is not so as always. Today my eyes are full of tears and my soul is ill. Today I have understood how alone I am.

Woman...There are so many qualities consist in this word! What the real woman has to be? I think she has to be loving, affectionate, tender, careful, sensible. The woman can't be the real woman without these qualities. I can tell that I am the woman, the real woman.

But I have nobody to present my love, affectionate and tenderness. I have nobody to take care of. I have nobody to be sensible with.

I can't realize myself like the woman without you. Only you can help me to become the real woman!

“You mean she promised them my unbeatable church sewn delicatessen?”

Franklin must have overheard. A term like "The eve of Chechen Tragedy" would be more adequate. Caroline shook her head.
- Winter Holtsclaw

Winter Holtsclaw (April 1657 – April 1739) sometimes also written Wintær Höltzclaw or Vvenzar Whoreslaw, but also written as Vlamner Hertsclëw, Minty Horsebladder, Klimner Tsortzflaw, or sometimes noted as Wertner Jurstlew, Pfintar Coleslaw, Cavendiçh Holespaw, as well as one particular case where it was written Mlinzer Ortzgaw but not limited to other references where it is written Wilhelmter Yutesaah, Wintoor Hatsmaw, Greg the Alpine Treehugger, or Svinter Hootssmaawlter which is similar to Finnish archival documents noting Weentaar Hoolttscleer, Wienczar Hoolzztaar (Gezhundheit), or Vlinter Poltzquar while occasionally referenced in Spain as Mastiff Dungcatcher. His parents fled Moscow during the Salt Riot, also known as the Moscow Uprising of 1648, the Proletariat Saline Complex of 1648, the White City’s Sodium Chloride Revolt, the Muscovy Revenge on Lot’s Wife, the Fleur de sel Kremlin Rebellion, the 1648 Insurrection against Darth Salarium, or the Annual Unrest of the Moskva River Peasants (1648 edition). Today’s entry is from a collection of vignettes published in 1723 showcasing the poets late period of creativity. A majority of Mr. Holtsclaw’s writings are kept in the poetry archive of the Russian State Library, another portion at the Russian National Library's Poet’s Room, and a sampling of original material is kept on permanent display at Mount Marty College in Yankton, South Dakota.

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Wetback Daytime Showdown

2007-06-22T11:28:00.000-07:00

Daughter-in-law... more beautiful than anything in this world.
It is fine. Don’t worry
                maybe the best result
                              got busy, then got sleepy.

I had to know more about Jose’s father.
Then, I think, he would have learned differently.
Could it be wrong? Tell me this wasn’t worth it.

Enormously shabby waif … too cute not to share … accelerated burning of unwanted fat in relativity. Looking for change, she sat down next to him on the Highway near Gadshill… covering I of lisman.

I don't get over here much, but I do peek in once in a while.
       - Sedlacek Ursula

A noted cryptozoologist and avid collector of Hypolimnas Bolina, Mrs. Sedlacek Ursula (1811–1873) achieved notoriety for her studies in Scotland and her ill-fated participation in an expedition to the African continent. Prior to the African expedition, Mrs. Ursula spent 15 years studying the Nessiteras Rhombopteryx around Drumnadrochit, Scotland. Her work was published in a two volume set with matching brown leather binding, off-white parchment paper pages and a dozen four-colour plates by malacologist Pierre Denys de Montfort. These volumes would later influence Anthonid Cornelis Oudemans for his 1892 opus on flatworms. What made Mrs. Ursula’s work so popular was her unique ability to frame scientific discussions into analog analogies, converted conversations and didactic dialogues. In 1864, Mrs. Ursula was approached for participating in an ill-fated expedition to the central African continent. She received several other offers for exploratory studies; including a lurid journey to the Rhineland, a fait accompli to the Southern coast of France, a not very exciting but at least it’s a job expedition to Poland, as well as the commonly mispronounced expedition to the Port at Thames. Against the advice of her friends, Romans, and husband, she joined the ill-fated Zanzibar Expedition, left England in 1866, and disappeared for five years. Mrs. Ursula was found by a mission of recovering missionaries at the town of Ujiji on the shores of Lake Tanganyika on November 10, 1871. Due to her fate, she was too ill to travel back to Scotland an died in Chief Chitambo's Village™ at Ilala, southeast of Lake Bangweulu in Zambia, on 4 May 1873 from malaria and internal bleeding caused by dysentery. Her heart was thrown over Victoria Falls and consumed by a school of coelacanths. Today’s entry is an excerpt from her journal entry on the Nessiteras Rhombopteryx written 12.32882801² years ago this day and has not surfaced since its original publishing.

Couch Control Jews Waiting For This

2007-06-05T11:27:00.000-07:00

Towards the Eritrean border of Sint-Niklaas’ wedding ceremony.

Yevgeney Otsuki (exasperated):   It’s a look, I guess, as catastrophe of cell. Why, in Pale Fire, do you call parody the "last resort of wit"?

Prasenjit Essig (blunt):   i don't know. how do you fuck but i do it right? maybe u want to learn me better?

Yevgeney Otsuki (ignoring Prasenjit, to Adam):   Coming to the big city this weekend? Prepare yourself for this: I am 79 years young.

Adam Sanjuanita (surprised and amused):   Congratulations, you’re lucky! I am 65 years old. I had to tell somebody I found the jackpot!

Yevgeney Otsuki (with levity):   Phenomenal! We are ready to give you a loan on Russian wife... the REAL stuff! Reminder. Love comes in all sizes.

Adam Sanjuanita (responsive):    Yes, warfare occurs. Basically, I can’t live without it. Can’t believe it? Is it true? Interested in it?

Yevgeney Otsuki (impatiently):   Don’t waste your time. Start fucking and never stop!

Prasenjit Essig (flatly):   we need to talk about it

Cleveland Lopez (stage left with excitement to Maryellen):   It works for 36 hours. It really improves erection! I wish I could have done it all myself.

Maryellen Shoemaker (remorsefully):   My boyfriend's prick is too big for my mouth. (stopping, then matter of fact) Let me show you.

Yevgeney Otsuki (matter of fact, butting in):   Eat smaller interesting stuff

Maryellen Shoemaker (without missing a beat):   I didn’t believe it the first time either.

Cleveland Lopez (with worry):   Hope they are all okay now.

Yevgeney Otsuki (reflecting):   Funny, isn’t it...

Adam Sanjuanita (curiously):   What?

Yevgeney Otsuki (pause, gaze at audience, and then to Adam):   What are your plans for the 11'th of September?

Adam Sanjuanita (quickly pulled by Cleveland):   No time left!

Yevgeney Otsuki (alone on stage, quietly to self):   Fine, I won’t tell them.
       - Jeremiah Horrocks

Today’s entry was written by Jeremiah Horrocks (~ 1618 – January 3, 1641) who scored a bitching new telescope in 1638 and died three years later. Horrocks’ hero of science & poetry, Omar Khayyam, never bought a telescope. As a result, Mr. Khayyam became famous and lived a very long, happy life. Prior to his enthusiasm on the observations of celestial beings, Horrocks lived in considerable poverty as an orphan among the Arminian abbeys in Lancashire. Horrocks was a restless but brilliant student. By the age of thirteen he had won many favors with the Court of King Charles I of England. However, he frequently ran away from the church and briefly lived in total depravity among the Calvinists in Wales. At this point, the facts of Horrocks’ life become clouded. He may have been raped by drunken monks, as his Welsh poem “Hen Wlad Fy Y Ddraig Goch” perhaps suggests (scholars noting the irony of the language and subject). Horrocks may have lived in the basement of the Llangollen Library, which would explain his fascination with science and astronomy. Truly, the young author hit his stride while living in Wales as he wrote several short stories and plays about random conversations among Welsh people. He moved to Liverpool 1632 as a completely changed and focused man. After studying at the University of Cambridge for a few years, Horrocks left academia to pursue his observations on the delta of Venus. His observation methods, outlined as a thousand lights in a darkened room, revealed his first big breakthrough on the Morning Star a year after 1638 (later named 1639). Astronomers at the Royal Society praised Horrocks’ anti-Ptolemaic verses dedicated to the transit of vinalia rustica as humorously accurate while retaining enthusiastic verve. All of Jeremiah Horrocks’ works were collected by his astronomer friends under the title, What an Incalculable Loss! and published several times over the course of the centuries. Our post today has never been published outside of Horrock’s official anthology and was used by permission from the British Astronomy Society.

Their hands, and others with urinals, who ran to and fro upon thee.

2007-05-21T11:26:00.000-07:00

Ring, ring, ring it’s Freda again.
So you wanted another message from Ms. Pearson?
Hope she is the one.

What are your plans on the 20th?
You know about the meeting on the 3rd don’t you?
I’d go there myself if I had the time free.
I’m a relatively good dodger.
What do you say about this?

You heard about lunch on the 9th yeah?
Do you know that
your dick is going to explode.
Just relax.
She will definitely like it, yes.

Here comes another message from Laverne.
Ha-ha-ha man, why your prick is so small?
Never thought that so small thing exists.
(How could she tell a man something like that?)

You heard about dinner on the 14th didn’t you?
Do it all night, don’t be silly.
Really? Yes, right here.
Remember to tell me later.
- Hilaire Belloc

Hilaire Belloc was born in 1870 in a village a dozen miles from Paris and a few days before the start of the Franco-Prussian war. Because of the war, Belloc’s parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents, friends and neighbors were killed. This, in some measure, explains his life-long hostility to all things German. He moved to England and was educated at the Oratory School Birmingham, under Cardinal Newman, and later at Balliol College, Oxford. At Oxford, Belloc was famed for his brilliance in dead bait and high energy drinking. He became President of the Oxford Sheep Herding Union, but, probably because of his unfashionable views on wool, failed to be elected a don after graduating. This remained a permanent disappointment and a grievance for him. Belloc’s first book was a small volume of verse called Warfare -All The Time- in England, published in 1896, and from then on produced a bit torrent of books, pamphlets, tracks, letters, numbers, etc. It astonishes, not only in its bulk and girth, but in its diversity; French and British history, military strategy satire, illiterary criticism, topography, bottomography, as well as Norwegian translations. It is little wonder that A.P. Herbert (forwardly: Mullin) described him as "the man who wrote a circular library". In 1905 he stood in front of Parliament and then sat down. However, thoroughly disillusioned with the Partying system, he left the House of Commons for ever after. During the 1914-18 war he added greatly to his already huge, wide, massive, thick “work-load” by his immensely endowed war commentaries by filling much of the Land and Water and Other Elements Journal on news of the war. The London Times paid high tribute to Belloc's amazing, throbbing powers in the field, drawing attention to his member articles and describing Belloc as "one of the most astonishingly accurate prophets of a great war profiteering in the history of journalism." Also in that war, Belloc lost both of his sons somewhere near Strathclyde. As a result, Belloc recalled the saying of Herodotus, "In peace sons bury their fathers; in war fathers bury their sons" due to several known malfunctions. Although he lived until 1953, he wrote virtually no more after his death. Many have said that Hilaire Belloc was a big, turbulent and complicated man, and no subject for hagiography but fans will remember him as The Boy Who Sang on Duncton Hill.

Hymen Destroyer (bigger is better they say)

2007-04-30T11:25:00.000-07:00

They are back for that candidacy
    of myself in cognitive bagpipes.
    Can’t believe it?
Let me show you...

Hey
do you awnt a {}prosperous future?
do you feel insecure about your penis size?
Both
penis loader
  and
penis power?

Don’t get left behind with good erection.
Just listen to you heart

Surprise!
This is unbelievable!
That is unbelievable!
No
This is incredible!

Feeling cold outside?
Why don’t you buy some medications to be healthy?
Don’t forget to ask for discount.
Good credit or not.

Want to shave a few pounds? Try to prop their commander up into a semblance of decentmule, let alone Rome's mules, the men of the Legions. It was a gift without worm activity detected.

Tell em the answer
The phone is the answer
   ... from me with love
       - Peer Syed Sahib

Peer Syed Sahib (1668 – 1741) and his family belonged to the Holy City of Ajmer Sharif (famous for the tomb of Hazrat Mu'inuddin Chishti) in India. Peer Sahib was kidnapped at an early age (scholars disagree on the exact age) by pirates of the Mongol Yuan fleet. The young Sahib quickly gained acceptance among his captors with his good listening skills and a soft, even-keeled voice. He would set up counseling sessions (trademarked as “peer-to-Peer” sessions) dealing with pirate depression (especially after the betrayal by their Sri Vijayan allies in the war with Majapahit), pirate money problems, pirate anger management, and pirate marriage counseling. Although Mr. Sahib was a Shia, he did not proselytize his faith to those he counseled. He became well known at many ports along the Indochina coast for his counseling sessions but he was not without competition. His rival, Pandit Maharaj, started out as an apprentice with Peer Syed Sahib, but broke from the franchise in an attempt to start his own ever-loving and pulsating cloud of happiness. Pandit did not get very far he was mobbed by a group of well trained pugilists who were devout catalysts of Peer Sahib. Our spoem today is part two of a medication meditation that Mr. Sahib developed for men to recite when experiencing erectile dysfunction.

Immortal anti-spammers are lamers

2007-04-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

Immortal anti-spammers are lamers
The reason behind it... u will find out soon.
Will you be ready?

I would dream of the pillars
      of Aquebogue               (or debrief no catsup)
      of between Edgeley     (or discordant to prop)
      of Auberry be Alta       (or Fenwick be Maskell)
      of the Hebrews from otherwise
                        inconsistent under-criteria.

Clean faith, my paz.
My reason behind it?
I would dream of a Mahayana earthworm morning erection neglecting juniper pleasantries.

Thick cunning receptors damage how vaccination dysfunction ventilated supermarket, transmitting sadness drugstore selling revolutionary lesbian pheromone. Western suicidal ideation announced “mi hija es ‘El Anticristo’, tiene que morir!”

Stay strong. People die - which was a bit surprising given we're used to everyone miraculously surviving, but still we have a love interest, some sort fighting, some despair, some history.

I dream of you. Be immune, glad, and whelk she devilish.
Show me now!
Sorry, man. I’ve got to go.
       - Alain Manoukian

Well educated and rarely worked out of need, Alain Manoukian (April 17, 1891 – March 16, 1952) kept his homosexual orientation concealed well into his early adulthood by veiling his desires via innuendos within poetry. Early in his writing career, Manoukian would mockingly copy the poetic works of Hermann Schwarz by distorting and lampooning the analytical approaches Schwarz took to the circumstances of love and life. Manoukian’s parents owned a bookshop in Lisbon, which exposed Alain to the literary greats of his time. They also owned a small printing press, affording Alain the luxury of printing limited collections of his poetic work. The shop eventually employed a poor working-class boy named António Botto, which Manoukian befriended. The two soon discovered their latent homosexual desires and began using poetry as a form of expression. Their escapades went unnoticed until an auto-da-fé of one of Botto's book was declared by the Catholic Church and the two lovers, along with their “cover”, Carminda Silva Rodrigues, fled the country to live in Brazil. During their journey, they crossed paths with Sir Matthew Nathan, who had just retired as the Governor of Queensland and was returning to Somerset, England. The three men shared a love for boiling hippos in their tanks. Governor Nathan’s long stories of governing inspired Manoukian to govern several essays and satirical poems portraying politicians as gay sailors governing in bohemian quarters. Manoukian later composed a folkloric homage about his older brother, who was shot by Falange militia on August 19, 1936. Manoukian committed suicide in 1952 due to severe depression and delusions caused by syphilis. Upon hearing the news, Botto ironized, "Now I'm the only official homosexual from Portugal...".

Seismic Gossip Bitching Angles

2007-04-05T11:23:00.000-07:00

Desired future
    failed
following error through
    life to learn
  martyrdom.

Read me!
Receive a younger
    future angel
shooting magical biracial
double A rated sangaree
   with palindromic
insomnia.

Theretofore, less epochal mutiny of Glastonbury
go hangman in rectilinear
    venereal disease crap,
speeding
  heavyweight parish
and
additional
    rainfall hostage statement.

South American quagmire
incriminates
    undeliverable righteous labyrinth
for hot water container.

Dismal, endless pain?
Dim, and die tonight?

This is not an experience that requires religious belief.
  Moments, pulled up together,
    assumed
this might be what you want.
       - Laurene Pearce

The youngest daughter of a Huguenot couple who were among the first to be murdered in the streets of Paris during St. Bartholomew's Day Massacre, Mlle. Laurene Pearce (?1562 – October 5, 1606) was dipped naked into her parents' blood, in a perverse rite of baptism, and warned not to become Protestant or suffer the same fate. From this somewhat interesting event, Mademoiselle Pearce’s writing style developed. Above all, she was an imitator that took to refuge in spamming notable Italian poets of her day along with the epic commedia of the Black Guelphs. In 1579, Father Edmund Campion became Pearce’s benefactor. Under his coin, she created several treatises, sermons, and sexy liturgical undergarments. Unfortunately, Father Campion had a bit of an accident involving an executioner and a scaffold resulting in Campion being hung, disemboweled and (while still alive) witnessing his steaming entrails flung by the executioner into a pot. As a practical joke, Mademoiselle Pearce arranged to have the body of Father Campion beheaded and quartered with pieces shown (for a limited time only) at the four gates of Tyburn. A few minutes afterwards, Mademoiselle Pearce befriended Philippe Desportes and together they spammed even more poets and writers, which resulted in the couple being sentenced to death in 1606. Asked if they had any final words (of their own for a change), Mademoiselle Pearce replied "Copier la réalité peut être une bonne chose, mais il est meilleur d'inventer la réalité." To which, Desportes responded, "Qui premier s'en repentira?"

These Changing Crack Hatriots

2007-03-30T11:22:00.000-07:00

Provincial concertmaster was
  by inheritor
    healing erectile dysfunction excitement
        remaining youthful
           dumpy
              extremely alarmed…
                 else equivocate or Aztec?
Quitting curious sex can turn back the clock.

Ashtray transfer in Jacksonburg
   (it can also add excitement)
     stumped beautiful
        almighty Jewish
           creation, which
              currently embraced a retard,
                 because sawdust as so votive go or
until Barceloneta was seismograph expression.

Bootlegged marriage pleasantries
  devotes standardized quagmired surrogate enhancements.
     Paraplegia mousetrap happiness
           idealizes screechy twisted globule bachelor.

When will this finish?
Se volvieron locos… ejecutan a cuatro en menos de 3 horas!
       - Maata Kurth

The great great great granddaughter of Hiram Abiff, Maata Kurth (baptized January 18, 1534 – August 12, 1588) was a Fennoscandia composer. While mostly famous as the solitary Nord madrigalist working in England, and the one mainly responsible for the growth of the madrigal there, she also composed much sacred spam music. Little is known about her early life, but Maata Kurth is known to have spent part of it near the Gulf of Bothnia and part in Lorraine (distretto di Quiche) in the service of Charles of Guise. In 1562, Maata Kurth arrived in England for the first time where she found employment with Elizabeth I. Throughout her life she made periodic trips to Italy, but not without controversy. For neither Mikael Agricola nor the (lesser known) Fennoscandia Inquisition fully approved of her spending time in Italy... let along England, of which the two were actively at war with Roman Catholic countries. While in England, Ms. Kurth lost her Finnish inheritance rites and while away in Italy she was charged with robbing and killing another foreigner. She was successful in clearing her name and got the hell out of England in 1578 to never return. She died in Vantaa while carving a giant golden fish tail.

This Results from Field Chauvinism

2007-03-23T11:21:00.000-07:00

Discover cycling with chairwomen starred in such successful human growth hormone approval is waiting for professed still working on it said public concert Yankees of sensor below what it shimmy or carbonaceous wine have canceled public assistance bandanna rule or peephole category contrasting happily to whereby so sanguine ha-ha unchecked sapling technology hears bong onto hot Russian singles wear tight shorts powered by naughty innuendo or is distortion detesting archivist coach whom patent timing lights recklessly thankfully to my confiscate fairy tale levitate hatred Satan fires throw regularly.

This reminds me a story that I heard when I was little.

You see, chocolate pheromones must have prescription worldwide before u go telling Saturday night fever again onto geographically traffic accident placed pure South African Hoodia demand digital oops unbeatable blush no silk go my calculus opera pink much-branched cheerleader and imprecise treatment that you need which prospectus at Hamilton to simplify deactivating birdseye ghost his unwillingly trek ground for tomorrow change is now is welfare my liturgical amnesia to be potential redneck fireplace stragglier living as hidden camera bathroom practices fictional securing explicit proponents connection silently.

The support is the only reason I kept going.

It’s here at pandemic tunic member featured to lighten thumb rape fattitude with button be watchman still upset her of congestive pink salma milla or he debutante at bystander or butyrate still busy bylaw telegraph width mix ambiguously theme ok thanks don’t sleep for god sake taking love onto universal druggist’s grid soundness elder things getting better of Rudyard a quip is mind to sarcasm telling Jenny against particular Chinese Lucifer sends you software coupon for best place to find cure for your disease to practicality obsess your partner for hours on end again once retirement assuredly can’t believe it that sale go referring domination in bed.

Everything good with you?
- Anquinette Archambault

Born in Ville de Lévis, Quebec, Anquinette Archambault (1873-1943) along with her brother Edmond (1880-1952) grew up with a passion for the arts. While Edmond was fond of all things music, Anquinette studied language, photography and (ultimately) film. She studied at Université Laval where she met students from the Rayalaseema region of India who attended as part of a British exchange program by which the British were hoping to populate Quebec with loyalists to the Monarch. After graduation, Ms. Archambault traveled to India where she lived for 27 years studying and teaching photography and film. She collaborated with several of her students on projects, including Jyotiprasad Agarwala – who later founded the Assamese cinema style. In early 1933, Ms. Archambault developed a brain tumor and had to move back to Quebec where she sought medical treatment. During the course of the tumor’s growth, Ms. Archambault’s language skills began to take several strange turns. Ultimately, she developed a prototype Kobaïan language of cosmic harmony and reconciliation with the deity Ptäh. She sent her notes (under the working title of "Je me souviens") to a friend in France where it was presumed permanently lost. Several decades later, the notebook was found in 1968 by Christian Vander at a shop in Nogent-sur-Marne where he expanded upon its foundation for his work with Zeuhl music.

Toboggan Patriarchal Balm

2007-03-17T11:20:00.000-07:00

You won’t find better
slapstick
         apocalypse
                  anesthesia
(be preferential or molt)
         through furnace option and apostle’s fatigue.

Monolith secrecy or distortion
lump into crazies
water-resistant starvation above muddy preview.

Euphemistically,
Kuji was a real bitch, and openly despised all of our students.

Textile wheeler Jill
cartwheeled camembert
to find liturgical purses,
         which be burlesque.

Miscued marriage activity widely suspected.
         (whoops)
It introduces rights which earlier proved impressive. Look... not to minimize crimes of the rest, but machinery featured was helpful as is reclamation language.

Influential polling place oatmeal demonstrators
characteristically tired of all these dramas,
demolished businesses.
German shenanigans didn’t track inventory for unusual volume.

Best thing you can do  ...     leave.
       - Lucifer Underdahl

Known as the father of modern pseudepigrapha, Lucifer Underdahl (1647-1719) was born in Norway during the Oldenburg dynasty into a family of abbey builders. While this provided a lucrative trade for the Underdahl family, they never converted to Christianity; remaining faithful as many of their generations had before them to the Codex Regius. This upbringing sheds light as to why, from an early age, Lucifer Underdahl rebelled against the 400-year night by crafting poetry and essays (many times disguised as Old Norse literature) promoting pantheism while railing against the economics of modern religions that had invaded his country. Mr. Underdahl had two works published prior to his death;Aster Proinos (1696) and Aster Orthrinos (1705). He was arrested in 1715 by order of Frederick IV of Denmark for letters against eating Pietism. After a long and confusing trial, the verdict handed down by the King read, "Luciferi primo cum sidere frigida rura carpamus, dum mane novum, dum gramina canent." Mr. Underdahl’s final published piece, Phosphoros (1727), was issued posthumously by his brother and contained unfinished manuscripts, a brief transcript of Mr. Underdahl’s trial, a copy of his execution order by way of being tied and left on a skerry at ebb, and his final words prior to drowning.

The Character Quotations Test

2007-03-15T11:19:00.000-07:00

Sexy love stone
powered by pique earthquake ethics.

              You can regularly be so volatile
              or extend elements into shy persona.

Migrating palace instituted your order
of no reload based on punk sissy knickers.

              First book written beyond standard sugar levels
              sought attorney ouster like caterpillar barometer decoy.

I didn’t believe it the first time either.
But as garlic historians become fun
and make money,
consider careers as magnanimity in versa.
       - Kazuya & Mirja Kuramoto

Our entry today (translated from Japanese in 1926) marks the first time we feature a collaborative work from two noted poets who were sisters. Kazuya (1798-1876) & Mirja (1799-1880) Kuramoto’s families live in the Kyūshū region of Japan. Their family had a long history of cultivated the finest bombyx mori and lived peaceful lives for several generations until the Black Ships of Commodore Matthew Perry sailed in and ate the sky. The parents of Kazuya & Mirja would spend their winters teaching various writing styles to the sisters who excelled at kyoka (especially using kakekotoba). As a result, Kazuya & Mirja were sent to Uraga as part of a delegation to "welcome" the American trade invasion of their country with songs and poetry. They presented a kyoka entitled "Don’t Miss It, Seaport Queen" that contained dramatic sarcasm disguised as projected historical truths of the trade relations between Japan and America. The two sisters later went on to become surfing experts around Miyazaki, but always maintained their quiet and simple life. When Kazuya passed away, Mirja had all of her dresses, shirts and robes modified to have one black sleeve as a symbol for the loss of her "good arm". Mirja did not write again and was reported to have died alone while resting in the shade of the Kurita tree.

Resplendent Anomaly of Tits

2007-03-12T11:18:00.000-07:00

To hinder your private Texas,
torment obscurity back
before prosecutor guidance championed writing gymnastics.

Now’s the time! Did he ask you last night?
Need something from the syndication playroom that
gets deceptively rededicated?

Think this is it...

Minnesota’s awesome anti aging cream
as free bygone nocturnal longtime makeup.

Olympics dishonesty misguided still-famous guest,
busing versatility beating joke
at unkind devotee
                     of emergency
                     lotto tickets from 50 countries around the world.
       - Emmeline Ulrikaumeko

The entire surviving family of Ms. Emmeline Ulrikaumeko (1852-1900) emigrated from Estonia during the Great Northern War in order to escape certain death by the Saxons. Ms. Ulrikaumeko (original family name was Ullriikaaumekoo but shortened when they emigrated) was part of the first group of women to attend and graduate from Cornell University in 1871. She achieved degrees in literature and science and went on to ghostwrite for several noted European history authors. In her spare time, Ms. Ulrikaumeko created poetry about her perceptions of places she had never been and people she had never met. Fans and critics alike often confused Ms. Ulrikaumeko’s sense of fiction for fact and thus, she received a fair amount of hash criticism, which she smoked in copious amounts. During one of her reading circuits, she befriended Arthur Farwell and encouraged his pursuit of publishing the works of American Indian composers through the foundation of the Wa-Wan Press, which ultimately opened its doors in 1901.

Before she will love you more than any other guy...

2007-03-08T11:17:00.000-08:00

Can this be what happened before
the hidden gem came behind another peacock feather
cowardly annoying Dahlia?

                         Pocahontas incest
obligated...   perversely...   stapler monogamy through
persuasiveness and fun fart facts.

                         Actors including
moronic light bulb, chaotic Hollywood
humanitarianism quarrel, and less opinions in general.

He blessed our lives facilitating commercial over Keds sneakers.
Timing is everything. Trouble says
just fuck and don’t think it’s too hard for her. Ejaculate like a pornstar. Let’s be friends!

Still down or tired? Sex can really
torment obscurity, suck expect pile cash, plus not attract
strawberry-blonde philosopher.
Tea?
       - Royal Spencer

Mr. Royal Spencer (11 March 1840 – 19 January 1926) was a poet, philosopher, psionic engineer, and psalm composer using Bengali shorthand. The eldest son of Debendranath Spencer and grandson of Dwarkanath Spencer of the Satyendranath family, he was mainly educated at home, but later studied for some time at the Hindu College of Kolkata (then Calcutta). His first contribution to Bengali literature was the Bengali translation of Kalidasa’s classical Sanskrit work Meghadetha in 1860. It was the first time that the great Sanskrit poetic work was translated into Bengali and included two different Bengali rhythmic styles for the translation. His second great work of poetry was dedicated to his wife, Trinitee Krishnamurthy, who died at a considerably young age. Although he remained a widower the rest of his life, he first published the piece in 1875 (three years before her death). However, the work was never truly completed as Mr. Spencer kept creating additional pages and perpetually edited his previous work. This poem describes the travels of a young man to different places (an allegory for Royal’s early promiscuity) but changes to both champions of the gravehead piano and kissing the isolation. While Mr. Spencer was a highly talented poet, he was also a disorganized person. Students of Royal Spencer’s work have said that pages of Trinitee Krishnamurthy’s poem would float around the Jorasanko Thakur Bari that, if they could all be collected and published, would have been a substantial and valuable volume of work.

I Revolution No Matthews

2007-03-05T11:16:00.000-08:00

Decipher research	writer ~literally~
sharing	guy advice
posted Tuesday,	extending funding hassle free.
Flamboyant	escort army
cow	saw it all.
One man	leered... swooned.

Cheap oem soft	samurai fable.
It	safeguarded gremlins,
takes on Lohan’s woman,	needed
the big	morphus adult limewire bikini
wallpaper, at	Buckskin Midland.

You are	insecure.
Go,	realize total and absolute power.
Change everything.	Raise ejaculation volume.
It’s time	to see the value
required,	which downtrodden so monotreme,
the big	broken
brunette	buckaroo.
Yes, I paid people to do it.

- Ghulam Rasool Chiboucas

Monsieur Chiboucas (1801-1879) lived a quiet existence in the French countryside until 1846 when a bad harvest, meager proletariat aid, lack of sex, and mismanaged communications from the Monarchy forced Chiboucas off his farm and into the Paris suburbs in search of sustainable work. He found a kindred spirit in Anselme Bellegarrigue, and together they published "Au Fait! Au Fait! Interprétation de l’idée démocratique", the worlds first anarchist manifesto. Chiboucas later went on to write antifascist plays, poetry and pamphlets including one that claimed the daguerreotype was a tool against the aristocracy. His work is often cited as a source of inspiration for other movements of change, such as the Reverse Revolutionary Movement of the United States, which (in 1881) argued for the United States reverting to English and Spanish colonies. Buenaventura Durruti was fond of quoting Monsieur Chiboucas’ anti-theocratic pamphlet, Explotion in Progress, including the phrase, "The only church that illuminates is a burning church." Our site is the first to feature Chiboucas’ poetry translated to English.

Choose your message ... deliciously

2007-03-02T11:15:00.000-08:00

Thoreau,
unhappy with traditional work,
voluntarily touched
jet black bobby-trap money order
                            ... very thoughtfully.

But the typesetting
that single-handedly ransomed
comfy nighttime sermon
installed
swamped gospel celluloid
                           ... devotedly.

Buddha critic needed alpine milk shakes
unbanned
in irreparable prosthetic militancy.

Did u hear?

Peach aphid negation-proof textbook sneeze provides
chemical changes,
Welsh advice,
and
pills from Canadian pharmacy.

This is your chance!
You might be able to solve this caterpillar madness paralysis.
Handing them over seems redundant.
So why do you continue to bash them?
       - Francis Bartlett

As one of the three main conspirators behind The Throckmorton Plot, Mr. Bartlett (1549-1583) spent much of his time writing Gaelic poetry and tending to his garlic crops. Descended from a family of orchard growers, originally surnamed Homme dePoire, Francis received training to follow in his family’s footsteps, but occupied his spare time with poetry. In 1579, Francis Bartlett met Francis Throckmorton and together, they held hands and skipped across the European continent, meeting bleeding Catholic malt contents from England in Spain and France. Francis and Francis were imprisoned when they returned to England and, under torture, Francis revealed a plot to invade England with the help of foreign troops to place Mary Stuart (Queen of Scotland) on the throne. Francis also named several allies (including Francis) in his confession. His entire confession was composed as a sonnet to which Queen Elizabeth I famously responded, “We are not amused”... a phase later stolen by Queen Victoria in response to Roger Waters’ 1992 album. Francis Bartlett was executed in 1583 by method of drawn and quartered, which he rhymed with fawn and sorted.

Kick Off Puppet Bible

2007-02-12T11:14:00.000-08:00

Ted interrupting prohibitive presentation
awoke not suggestive cyclopean.
Shekeela wrote: He a not no rockbound.

Nano bracelet currently knowlingly riveting
rah-rah malnourished. A red hot kiss in love exploitation
for you, your commission, your umpteenth dump holder.

Alamo omelet sizzle picture touches
7 new mssgs for you (from ladies).
Forgot, sorry.

Your overdue account chalkboard journalism unleashes urn deficit.
Typesetter secretary (Gary said that she
also looks a lot like his sister according to some of the guys)
in actual fabled pokey
signs,
        "Baby, I’m not Muslim
          Fuck someone as much a she can handle."

Hallowing Vatican catholic moochers
PUSH PUSH PUSH
fixation falling into
happy goodpasture.

I call him a taxi.
    Do it right now.
Do not miss this great opportunity
to see the value leak annihilation
improbably integrate
samurai stock info.
       - Massimiliano Villianueva

Raised in a Mapuche settlement in Southern Chile, Massimiliano Villianueva (1760-1817) joined the country’s drive for independence from Spain in the early 1800s. His mother was a Machi and foretold of Villianueva’s death – which was to be pulled underwater by a Nguruvilu. This may not have been far from the truth as Villianueva drowned in a creek during the Battle of Chacabuco under the leadership of Bernardo O'Higgins Riquelme. Among the items found on his body upon examination was a large notebook with crude sketches as well as drafts of poems (heavily influenced by Alonso de Ercilla y Zúñiga) that revealed the chaotic machinations of a region fighting for independence. The Mapuche were fond of neither the Spaniard royalists nor the Army of the Andes as both were considered passive-aggressive in their attitudes towards the indigenous tribes. As per tradition, Massimiliano Villianueva was buried on a bed of Copihue.

You Have Past Issues [haiku]

2007-02-07T11:13:00.000-08:00

First joke telling trial
  Sorcery so tenterhooks
Nabbed singing loose fan.

Can you explain this?
  I have a brief confession.
Thriller blackmailer!

Saintly defendant
  Big boobed blonde hottie Barbie
Prison freelance job.

Unsightly tabloid
  Quotes no rent by madman
He made calls carefree.

Ransomed child support
  Uncompromising evening
By pompous lover.

Now doesn’t death resemble another publicist, tired with hangover? Oh – for that LOVE LIFe again.
       - Amalthea Yingling

Born in the Rheinkreis of Bavaria, Amalthea Yingling (1818-1894) only wrote a handful of poems during her life-time, but the quality of her work continues to resonate and influence poets today. Allegedly from a lineage that descended from the Mongol princess Koekecin and Ilkhan Arghun Khan, Ms. Yingling shunned her family’s pedigree for many years as it was a source of constant pressure during her childhood. When she was of age, she stole away to the Lazio region of Italy where she ended up having a life-long affair with Giuseppe Mazzini. Ms. Yingling had never considered writing poetry until Mazzini, seeking additional material in support of the newly formed Roman Republic, approached her for an article for his journal, La Giovine Italia. Her poem, "Cantonese Existence", playfully integrated parts of Il Milione with the Syllabus of Errors, by Giovanni Maria Mastai-Ferretti, as a commentary against imperialism. This unique approach to the poetic form was found to have been a major influence on Charles Reznikoff and the Objectivist Movement.

Remorseful Gelding Funeral

2007-01-30T11:12:00.000-08:00

Hello, I want you to know
  I’m going to show you this, but keep it secret!
   Whatever you do .. keep this on the lowdown!
    You ready?
   We aided bin Laden escape.
  We know what you want
Sadam Hussein safe and sound!

Basically, this is it:

Undeliverable so-called ballerina
Inserts devoted antivirus menu
  by asynchronous
  on a barium
  by rivulet
  on go barter,
  to bart as Cauchy
  or in saloonkeep
  as opposite
  giving danger
  to life.
Finding a extremely worthy chance to earn
  with ding
  in major to prosaic scowl skirmish.

Got it?

Notably
A person with impaired postmortem extralinguistic sophism…
  so scapular of monetarism…
  tests negligent homicide categories,
  quickstep continuity,
  and Wellington
  so revenge implied combat losses punch line.

A final toast:

The so uphold ultrasonic radiation euphoria
  Be so occurring
  Go as notwithstanding
  Now interpellatio
  And calkins of chromosphere
  As Walden in usurp
  And twigging is macro.

Good day.
       - Raimjanov Umid

Born in Southern Iran during the Persian Zand dynasty, later inspired to move to France during the Age of Enlightenment after reading Montesquieu’s Lettres Persanes (and presuming it was a work of non-fiction) Raimjanov Umid (1751-1804) - international star of letters, known as the Sultan of Salons, and just one of the many hundreds of famous people who suffered from coccydynia. The endemic disease about which no one knew more that Dr. G.L. Buffon – naturalist, mathematician, cosmetologist and selfless fighter against human suffering; whose mail box was the one above the man responsible for the foundation for our poem today – Pierre Bayle. A pious Christian philosopher who’s daughter, if not for her courage, foresight and understanding enabled the rising bourgeoisie to probe beneath the sophisticated veneer of the Ancien Régime and learn the true history of Baron d'Holbach - encyclopedist, chiropodist, voyeur; the man of whom the chairman of the Polish Constitution once said, “Er verdankt mir eine Menge Geld!” and whose telescope was bought from the shop part-owned by a man who, at the age of eight, stole a quill from the servant of Denis Diderot’s brother's housekeeper's dental assistant’s uncle – the reverend Johann Gottfried von Herder, the cleft-palated poet, critic, and theologian who – in 1773 – published a collection of folk songs. This poem was dedicated to the men who originally wrote those songs.

Carthage and Fusion

2007-01-22T11:11:00.000-08:00

She would yet make amends
croaking and complaining
the harvest was late
there stood a strange dog
by the wire fence that circled the haystack
a row of red winged girls
clad only in a cause
thin bit of the weekend and of the fright
together shared
thanked

To search a muslin
which a pamphlet scarce covered

Blur of homesickness
of many pleasant evenings
the wind sang dismally
sickened blackbirds
like a string of jet beads
waiting for oat structure

She served dinner to a long line of stoppers
she was Lys, and she was
teaching brute spacecraft
along the danger-infested way
known as the Red River frame
and the corners

The guests at table were a typical pioneer group
a joiner at each side
homesteaders
speculators
machine men journeying through the country
loudly recommending and gesticulating
forced to take to dairy products
to crab trees
to escape the clutches --
wildly
competitive

So spent in her little shack
with the same wind making eerie music
of the boys she had not seen
since the winter before
and while she finished the fashion called saddle
she discussed neighborhood matters with them --
the pleasing
see sex unharmed

A huge brute
just the litter bin --
and his foot reached the cliffs when --

Yesterday and today were separated by a gulf
a sizzle of eggs
frying on a hot pan
making a running accompaniment

Whatever can be done to a house
to spoil its appearance
had been done to her words
wide as death itself

She was so close
to selling machinery
to harvesting grain
not yet grown
- Esme Horseman

The wife of York, who was the life-long Negro servant of Second Lieutenant William Clark, Esme Horseman (1779-1862) was born in the town of Ajaccio on Corsica, France. When she was eight, her family moved to La Nouvelle-Orléans and became successful feather merchants with offices and a warehouse at the Poydras Street Wharf. When York and Esme married, they took her family’s name, du Cheval de Homme, as York never had a proper surname. Upon Mrs. Horseman's death in Louisville, KY, the doctor attending her anglicized the last name for reasons unknown. Her short stories, principles of accounting standards, and poetry were published postmortem by friends of the family with most of her work is attributed to the anglicized version of her name. However, there have been reports of collections published with her original name, making the hunt for her work challenging. Our spoem today was first published in 1906 in the book (I’ll Follow You) To the Ends of the Earth: Prose by the Woman Who Married the Slave-Guy Who Followed the Two Guys Who Explored the Louisiana Purchase in a Canoe, courtesy of The National Council of the Lewis and Clark Bicentennial.

Smelly Tea Party... ...don’t read it, believe it!

2007-01-18T11:10:00.000-08:00

Scene One
Big breasted strawberry chinchilla enlisted Yangtze Carpetbagger with the veronal strawberry-blond carpet tack to proust the postman.

Scene Two
Combat committed handbags (happy or sad) have midsection by communal flatulent unhappily perishable. Mean-spirited cheese wheel airplane accessory skeptically may or may not be an alien.

Scene Three
Mandatory marksman admiring the standard swimming trunks with an option for lame amplitude fern if function refinance approved. Espadrille accounting separation accommodated, slowly by wedge, Waist Skirts Miuccia Exhibition.

Scene Four
By vestibule, the salubrious worldwide critic allowed the text rocket rocketdog rockin rocking the variety… almost actually killing Ella. Sucks, huh?

Scene Five
So the tyrannosaurus just remembered my pulp bait convenience store capitulation. This, despite a well-documented hospital examination of the child.

Scene Six & Seven, Eight, Nine
Overdrawn propose is the ability found everywhere as churchillian brown circle cyberhype cyborg. My rabbit prompting secretion saw it all. All details are there powerhouse. A powerhouse to bookstore.

Scene Ten
Casanova Shopgirl looking good in confiscatory of Nostradamus. If you’re shopping for a gift card this holiday season, let age purge and derail important aqueduct mother. More important, here's what I was telling you about... your food cravings can be combated under the money-moon.

Scene Eleven
The look of a continued use - you agree - will impress your girl with exculpatio. She’ll love your springtime bondage objects. See for yourself. Let’s go check it out. Let’s talk. Let’s keep in touch.

Scene Twelve
My soup. My fence. Mycenaea. Well, duh, of course I picked the option that makes me feel more full.

Scene Thirteen
Charmed burning oversized ashes of roses are, in my experience, awfully hard to clean up.
- Desaster Osamu

For several generations, the family of Desaster Osamu (1527 – 1590) made their fortunes in Safavid Persia specializing in calligraphy. The family moved to the Kingdom of Poland of the Jagiellons in 1533 and found employment with the emerging bookmaking and typography industry. When Osamu turned 13, he started an apprenticeship at Fust & Schoeffer’s printing house in Mainz and quickly excelled at the art of moveable type and oil-based ink printing. Between 1559 and 1579, Osamu (having graduated to master printer at Fust & Schoeffer) crafted a five-volume collection of his stories, plays, poetry, and his family’s role in the history of Persian calligraphy. 111 copies of this collection, entitled An Eclecticism Subservience, were produced and immediately received accolades for its craftsmanship. The covers were made of red Moroccan leather tooled with inlaid designs by Léon Davent and gilded with 22 karat gold. The end pages featured iconic designs created by practitioners of the Novgorod School in Russia. The books used a typeface developed by Conrad Sweynheim and Arnold Pannartz, at Subiaco, Italy (circa 1465). The paper used for all five volumes (milled at the Duszniki Paper Mill in Poland) utilized a special blend of wood pulp with vegetable fibre to create a vellum-like texture. The first two volumes of An Eclecticism Subservience featured an ink blended from dried hawthorn branches, soot, and turpentine while the ink for the last three volumes utilized walnut oil instead of dried hawthorn branches to allow for superior printing results. Nearly all of the 57 full-page illustrations that are scattered throughout the five-volume set were created by Federico Barocci. In fact, Barocci’s original “Madonna in the Clouds” and “The Annunciation” first appeared in volume four of An Eclecticism Subservience. Each set was signed and stamped by all members of the bookmaking staff and each set cost 2,112 guilders (over $10,610 by today’s conversion). Several copies were immediately purchased by the Holy See and can be viewed today by special appointment. Desaster Osamu died in his own house on a Thursday morning before breakfast, 20th of December, 1590 CE.

He Monday or Vesper

2007-01-15T11:09:00.000-08:00

carefully about. So
frail.
be marlowe of vertebral
       my proponent he wah
       my cella just gone fricken.

page under
       proof
              status.

birds...
fashion or chairs?

The standard
washroom dealing savior
       implemented suffering
and
crucified double negative
       painlessly.

Moronic alchemist's
wrongheadedness
       shocks with the veronal
              wool pomposity.

Mown communion
relinquishes that
oceans go
spectacularly dapper,
metaphorically.
       - Morozov Alexandre

Russian mathematician Morozov Alexandre (1857 – 1918) graduated from Saint Petersburg State University (hic tuta perennat) specializing in advanced indiscrete mathematics. His life’s work followed closely that of Omar Khayyám in that he passionately pursued mysticism, mathematics, and poetry. In regards to mathematics, Alexandre developed the Discrepancy Principle which has been used as a general criterion to compute the regularization parameter in inverse problems. Historians have noted that Alexandre’s relentless pursuit of addressing inverse numbers stems from his acute hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia. Morozov Alexandre was a master at weaving his interests into a singular work. At times, he would draft abstracts of his mathematical dissertations into poetic meter that playfully mocked the pantheism of Fyodor Tyutchev or the romanticism of Alexander Pushkin. The best example of his talents can be found in his paper, “On the Solution of Functional Daymare Equations by the Method of Iao Chant Regularization”. Original copies of this document command thousands of dollars at auction houses around Europe. Morozov Alexandre’s fate took a turn for the worse when he crossed paths with Grigori Rasputin in 1899 over a cryptanalysis concerning text found in the Forest of the Megalomaniac written in Gematria. Following this “disagreement”, Morozov Alexandre was sent into exile on June 28, 1911 and lived the remainder of his life on the outskirts of the Ottoman Empire.

Sunless Funicular

2007-01-11T11:08:00.000-08:00

Fanaticism: a scar nobly got or a noble royal?

Tell me Nipple Slip Pam,
(my dear friend, please be discreet),
   about the Njave Oil Necklace Tree;
       how’s it look?

She spaced and said, “Golden pine trees grew that same year was the standard for costly capitalist splinters.”

That pottery roustabout!
Always changing our delicious found valley!  Oft poems songs for you:

     Out of parish birth
     Into wedded disorder
     Resulting steps
     Burn onto evening.

She pointed and said, "Astounding... twofinger sentenced education reveals internal recapitulation magically. No?"
       - Narendra Winegarden

Occupying a prominent position in the scientific community of Edinburgh, Narendra Winegarden (1797-1866) was a trained chemist who for years engaged in scatological research at St. Bartholomew's Hospital. Her scientific background involved attending notable lectures by Vauquelin and Thenard on chemistry and of Orfila on toxicology. On scatology in particular, Dr. Winegarden quickly became an authority with her treatise, The Species of Feces. Published initially in 1829 and again in 1835, it was characterized as “virtuosity to urinary” and secured Dr. Winegarden within the literary circles of medical jurisprudence. In 1858, Dr. Winegarden protracted an illness, though happily short-lived, that cut short her work in the field of scatology but opened her interests in crafting poetry. Her colleague, Sir Robert Christison, published the final edition of his famous Dispensatory in 1862 that included updates of Dr. Winegarden’s scatological materia medica (entitled The Fecal Didactic) as well as a scattering of her poetry. As one biographer of Winegarden has stated, “I have always imagined that paradise will be a kind of library with profound scat.” A complete collection of Dr. Winegarden’s work is expected to be published by the Classics of Medicine Library in 2008.

Hallow Crystal Banquett

2007-01-08T11:07:00.001-08:00

Irish redux
community
against wall
just might
make
looking at gay or
crazy stuff
be respected
to hierarchy.

Funny thing...
your letter had page found
  of lotus and no wadsworth
  of quantify he chrysanthemum
  of crash on time or late
  of beginner gibraltar infantrymen.

You is feathery
  is chancy an carusa
  is septa in desorption
  is as coloratura breakwater chessboard...
  is the correct or no?

Sadly
tomorrow
didn’t understand it.

Consensus this: In addition, it's getting increasingly difficult for me to give up my mother language.
       - Kiribati E. Ethelred

Named by her father, Louis Isidore Duperrey, upon his return from exploring the South Pacific Islands, Mrs. Kiribati E. Ethelred née Duperrey (1816–1885) received her formal education in geology from the Université de Provence Aix-Marseille. She graduated with top rankings in 1840 and worked alongside Swiss geologist Albert Heim (whose work would later influence Alfred Lothar Wegener) on the field work and microscopic study of Mesozoic and Paleogene/Neogene sediments in the Helvetic zone of the Alps (including the famous Glarus overthrust). The research life, however, did not hold Mrs. Ethelred’s interest for long as she frequently disappeared into Heim’s basement to read novels (especially those by François-René de Chateaubriand ~ whose father was also a sea captain) and write short stories and poems. Of her œuvre, there are two pieces that stand out as her greatest contributions to literature. The first is her poem “Voix ambiguë d'un cœur qui au zéphyr préfère les jattes de kiwis”, as it is known and loved by nearly all French students of typography and font development. The second, “Cantami o diva del pelide Achille l'ira funesta”, not only remains the longest running commedia at the Nebiolo in Torino, but also carries the mystique of being dedicated to her secret lover in the Aosta Valley.

Occult Climate

2007-01-04T11:06:00.000-08:00

A calm inhuman quasiorder
orchestrates steep deep sneers.
The haiku patrol resurrects a rare ache,
a barbarian parboils the boatyard liturgy,
and cavemen titrate their pokerfaces.
The cryogenic spy and the inexpert cartographer
conjugate insufferable fur cantos.
A cowpoke codebreaks the corset barbecue,
starlight contorts contrite gravestones,
and the lovelorn gangster cheerleads droll keyholes.
A ghoul adulates fictive bisexual fingerprints.
The carload of liars obstructs the sepulchral brainstorm,
a locksmith abducts a vast peaceable proton,
and the debonair conquistador razes a thunderclap.
- Christopher Toll

A religious and pious gentleman, Christopher Toll (1747-1819), along with Samuel Hopkins and members of the Religious Society of Friends, helped settle the area now known as Crofton, Maryland. Toll’s parentage arrived in the new world from Pureland, Norway during the 1730s. Despite having little educational background, Toll’s work ethic and vast linguistic atlas earned him the respect of those around him. The children of his best friend, Samuel Hopkins, adopted Toll as their uncle and would often chat with Toll about literature, religion and business affairs... sometimes all at once as exemplified by our posting today. Mr. Toll’s best pupil was the second oldest of the 11 Hopkins children, nicknamed "Johnsie". Several decades after Toll’s death, Johnsie arranged for the publication of short stories and poems by Toll under the title Adapt The Best Loved Permanent Professor Under My Sonnet Kitty.

Sludge Earthquakes

2007-01-02T11:05:00.000-08:00

Spartan las
died shaking fists calling
"Is this as good to you as it is to me?"
The I of veritable
didn't understand it.
Instead
acting behalf
to you
replace explicit
glimmering headboard.

Glimmering headboard
swamped
your necromantic
chi
to he typify my neurosi
as church choirs chid
shiny laptop African housemates.

African housemates
swung the seen taxi
at warning stuff so routine like
your wallet with
infused extra thyme risotto.

Thyme risotto,
your squalo parish limits these long time
suffocatio from other -maybe- ace sear.
My dear Mafioso Cleopatra,
correct me if I’m wrong;
Instead we should work out amongst ourselves what makes sense to implementin a
Spartan las.
- Wojtek Tauber

Starting at the end, Chief Petty Officer Tauber (1915–1951) died in service for the Royal Navy during an arctic expedition to the Ayles Ice Shelf. His expedition to the Artic North involved the search for Rhan-Tegoth (He of the Ivory Throne), who is believed to have dwelled there 2 to 3 million years ago. CPO Tauber learned of the Rhan-Tegoth during World War II while assigned to a special division of the Royal Navy developed in the early days of the German advance. CPO Tauber was given the assignment of deciphering Stanislaus Hinterstoisser's magnum opus on the occult, Prolegomena zu Einer Geschichte der Magie. It was thought that knowledge from this book would help the Allies in countering the German’s research on Friedrich von Junzt’s magnum opus, Unaussprechlichen Kulten. Debate continues on the true effectiveness of either party’s advances in the circles of magick. However, it was during this time that CPO Tauber began his second life composing poemas obscura. As a youth, CPO Tauber enjoyed mountain climbing and would often scale the Bernese Oberland with little, if any, equipment. This is why his death during the Ayles Ice Shelf expedition remains a controversial mystery.

On Northland No Evince

2006-12-22T11:04:00.000-08:00

On Northland¹ no evince² battle medieval progra coquett³ bloodstream.

His no saint exultation⁴ fluently interrelated combat guidance by conflict⁵.

Morning nightmare⁶ focusing to shroud adolescence from original vexatiou⁷ romance.

Kneel below proud Eve⁸ images and belittle all-important items as to obtrusion⁹.

Redemption serviceable as opposite sandcastle carpenter¹⁰ reveals internal purity culture¹¹.

So at Tunisia, consider seven random mass graves¹² by public wish of past armageddon¹³.
- Sabella Lettieri

Serving as a presbyteri cardinales to Pope Urban VIII at the See of Spoleto, His Eminence Lettieri (1582-1643?) was fond of writing poetry and often composed his reports in common meter. Pope Urban VIII was a great patron of Catholic foreign missions and frequently sent Lettieri to investigate the northern areas of the Holy Roman Empire. During this time, Lettieri formed strong opinions against the church’s autocratic bureaucracy as well as a personal disliking of Martin Luther, yet paradoxically expressed his admiration of the Reformation Movement. His Eminence Lettieri was subsequently excommunicated in 1643 and disappeared shortly thereafter. His writings are archived at the Vatican Library and remain as historical accounts of liturgical life during the Holy Roman Empire. At the request of Father Leonard Boyle (chief librarian), the following footnotes were included with this submission.
A reference to the Kingdom of Saxony.
(pronounced er-biche) Mercenaries of the Holy See in Saxony.
Crude term for a Gnesio-Lutherans group from Sweden that translates into "progressive eunuch". The word "medieval" is used to denote how poorly the Swedes were armed. Thus, this line of text is critical of both waring factions.
A reference to Martin Luther’s "95 Theses".
This line implicates Martin Luther for fueling the violence of the Protestant League despite his adamant denial of such activities.
The rising Reformation movement.
A slight twist on the Latin word for veneration; denotes sarcasm. This line criticizes the leaders of the Reformation as trying to remove all ties with the Catholic Church.
An off-handed remark about Katharina von Bora.
This line reports on von Bora’s secret passion on becoming a venerated leader of the Reformed Church. It also conveys the Reformation’s ideas of eliminating the worship of Saints and Sacraments.
A critical remark against the office of the Pope (sandcastle carpenter) and praise for Martin Luther's thesis (opposite sandcastle carpenter).
A reference to Martin Luther’s "95 Theses" (specifically 37 and 95).
A reference to the Ottoman Empire-supported Corsairs massacre of the Berber Hafsids.
This line points out the backlash the church continued to face for the Crusades. Thus insinuating that the Church should be prepared to pay for its past sins.

Uncork Hindrance

2006-12-20T11:03:00.000-08:00

Ambition goddess
still waiting
for     morning
recklessly longing, dancing
at the
passion-kindling oven furnace.

Beauteous the stonecrop
is so bitter
against six most
symbol     and
by the visiting
nasturtium yellow panther cat.

Yellowstone the feverish
questions
misreading      of past
cranston prophesy
to centerpiece on retardant
open-headed pasture thistle.
       - Hiawatha Biros

Her Lady Biros (1392-1464) was a princess of the Nehântick tribe that lived in an area now known as New England. She was noted for her mastery of the Algonquian language and created several epic poems in honor of the tribal leaders and the war victories the tribe enjoyed during the peak of their existence. As custom of the day, her work was copied and modified by other tribes of the Eastern North American region, yet her style was unmistakable. Several generations later, all would have been lost during King Philip's War (when the Nehântick tribe was nearly decimated) if not for an intrepid Algonquian translator named Bartholemy Barnes. Mr. Barnes was sent to the colonies by Cambridge University under an agricultural engineering fellowship, but focused most of his attention on documenting all of Her Lady Biros’ works. A book of Barnes’ translation was published in 1680 by Gloucester and Kimberly (UK).

Foregoing Multifariousness Pandemonium

2006-12-14T11:02:00.000-08:00

Self-destructive
Bat mitzvah lyricist...
still upset
about
synagogs closeting investment strategy
and
hardball solitaire extremist.

Demonic scary creature
gluttonously drags
psychedelics bosses...
insensitively...
without interruption...
whatsoever.
(poor dudes)

Oyster Perpetual
evangelist
approved
waddle blabbermouth
exultation
towards
sultan junk-food.
- Mandy Zimmermann

Ms. Zimmermann (1903-1943) started her career in poetry during her studies at the Universität Breslau. Her first published piece, "Repetitive Aspect Continuous" was met with mixed reviews but stands out as one of the earliest adaptations of the Generación del '27 style. Her first and only book, Plagued Adventure, was published in Poland (1939) and received positive reviews for her ability to take different forms of poetry and craft them to her own style. Her family did not escape Poland before the Nazi invasion and was ultimately taken prisoner to one of the extermination camps. During the Shoah, Nazi guards allegedly tattooed one of her poems on her chest when they found out she was a poet. Ms. Zimmermann was executed at Chełmno nad Nerem in early 1943.

Michelangelo Moth Sexercises

2006-12-12T11:01:00.000-08:00

Oligosaccharides
break down
leaving
her no athletics.

My dear
mischief-loving
Elma wrote:
Be it decreased
as proximity –
Preconceptio circumlocutio telluri.

Happy or not
Dear sir,
I am interested in it.
- Guadalupe Covington

Ms. Covington (1774–1832) was born a mestiza in an area of South America now known as Suriname. Her father was an Englishman who traveled back and forth from the old world as a merchant first-class with the Dutch East India Company. In 1796, Ms. Covington traveled with her father to see his homeland but was stranded in Europe when the Dutch East Company went bankrupt in 1798 and all trading routes became subject of a hostile bidding war… making travel by sea rather expensive. Her father encouraged her to study literature at Leiden University where she excelled at language arts. Ms. Covington never returned to her native country and died peacefully at her home in Zeeland. A petition remains open in the Dutch parliament for transporting Ms. Covington’s remains back to her native land.

Diarrhea Permutation

2006-12-11T11:00:00.000-08:00

A salad dressing
orbiting the prime minister
underhandedly shares a shower
with a federal ski lodge.

A federal ski lodge
steals pencils
from a vaporized cargo bay.
The pickup truck
behind the short order cook
ignores an apartment building.
When you see a carpet tack
it means that the chestnut
is reminiscing about lost glory.

A chestnut with an inferiority complex
secretly admires
the power drill.
A frustrating briar patch
satiates the boiled recliner.
An overripe blithe spirit
is muddy.

A blithe spirit flies into a rage.
A dust bunny slyly assimilates
a crank case.
A sheriff related to the minivan
believes that a satellite falls in love
with a loyal tape recorder.
But they need to remember
how a load-bearing burglar
wakes up.
- Sharon Mesmer

Sharon Mesmer (1827-1890) was born in the interesting old town of Henniker, NH. On completing her school education she made Brooklyn, NY, her home. She published a volume of poems, national and miscellaneous, in 1857, which fixed her rank among the foremost of American feminine poets. After publication, she made an extensive European tour, visiting, with a party of friends, all the countries except Portugal, ascending the Nile, inspecting the noted attractions of Syria, and traveling in Russia over routes rarely frequented.

A Glimpse Of Paradise

2006-12-06T10:59:00.000-08:00

Paradise is where almost
anything
could be sold.

End of story.

We let the beaten shepherd
keep
the money
when we lowered him,
unconscious,
to the ground.

"This calls for consultation," I said.
"For starters, there are all these
sheep
to consider."
- Ben Myers

The Jacobin character known as "Ben Myers" is actually the creation of a number of London, UK-based authors, poets and dissidents. There are several theories as to who among English society are contributors of "Ben Myers". However, names that have consistently surfaced are Ian Kilmister (who had famously referenced Wordsworth in 1978), as well as Dean Jones and Phil Vane (they were accused of being part of the collective when they briefly performed under the banner of la Terreur in late 1984). Conspiracy theorists around the UK have published several books and constructed a web site discussing the history, origins and secret society of "Ben Myers".

DAY POEM

2006-12-04T10:58:00.000-08:00

Melissa, Get new music ringt0nes - no cost
Melissa: Enjoy a Complimentary Digital Camera and Printer
Melissa, Claim your new widescreen TV

I think Yes   it’s all about voicemail
and email now   I think of sex   what a thing
for humans   I thought

it’s the 1970s and I’m so terribly worried about serving tasty coffee to my husband

Melissa, Gym Membership Paid for One Year by Us
Melissa: Get name-brand appliances!
Melissa: Claim your free* stainless steel gas grill

I liked to garden but really think of
flavor crystals
mountain grown

she likes the coupons
she can have them
I’m in it for the flavor

are these not
the same guys who dropped
a gallon-sized can of Dinty Moore Stew
from the dormitory roof

Melissa: Claim your free* stainless steel gas grill
Melissa, Increase your odds of getting a grant
Melissa: What's your opinion worth?
Melissa: This Kenmore Refrigerator – yours
       - Mel Nichols

Ms. Nichols is a Masonic educator (under The Order of the Eastern Star) and central curator at the Pyramid Gallery art center (Atlantic division). Her poems have appeared in numerous magazines, including PipLit, Forklift Ohio, Anomaly, Gargoyle, and Fascicle. She is co-editor of the journal illuminated meat, and an editor of English Matters. All of her day poems are titled "DAY POEM" with a collection of her work published by Edge Books in 2005.

Emergency Spanking Foundation

2006-11-13T10:57:00.000-08:00

Canker sore gradation
already on anticipation
foresaw confederation
of impoverished phony temptation.

Spud left-handed
access just updated
diligently demented
nouveau paranoia noted.

Investment strategy
carefree tendency
Nothing says anatomy unbearably
like blue palm snobbery.

Ignominiously sloughing
especially crafted battles featuring
up-and-coming enhanced libido gaining
stronger ejaculation (watch where your aiming).
- Colleen Timotheus

Ms. Timotheus was born on December 1, 1947 in Hastings, England. Her family had fled from Naples, Italy to England during World War II but didn’t bother to assimilate into English society. Thus, the young Colleen had a difficult time with her studies and ultimately dropped out of school. Feeling disappointed with her path, Ms. Timotheus decided to study English on her own and by the time she was 19, had drafted a critical essay on Alexander Pope (entitled “Pope on a Rope”) which gained her admission to Trinity College, Cambridge. Ms. Timotheus has received several nominations for her literary work along with several collections published in Europe, yet has remained obscured in the United States.

bitter

2006-11-09T10:56:00.000-08:00

===========
what would your family do if you died?
Allow us to show you our quality operation
see the fish come alive!
mature lesbians rubbing their armpits
===========
why arent you watershed goblet
if pizza be the food of love
i can hardly feel the device under my pants
===========
Find that special someone!
Tooth whitening of the stars
With exclusive peeing Belgian girls
if you don't wish to receive these offers, go here
===========
- Don Hertzfeldt

these spoems were composed by mr. hertzfeldt in 2004 and are an example of his finest, most illuminating work. according to mr. hertzfeldt, “i know nothing about computers. mine is a little glowing magic box. don use rock and stick. fire bad.” mr. hertzfeldt spends his days (and many late, late nights) watching grass grow.

Punks Sweary

2006-11-07T10:55:00.000-08:00

new natural nutritious detention notification needed neigh automation news released
     as
our once olive drab one-track mind credibility outsmarting oratorical oxygen gild
     to
pearl-besprinkled pink leather prison persuading nonunion processional pope protocol.
       - Ellenor Bland

Mrs. Bland runs a clothes shop in Wootton Bassett, Wilts. She lives in the village of Quemerford and has been a Calne town councillor since 2003. She has enjoyed writing various forms of poetry with her preferred subject matter being the plight of the new Britons. Until recently, Mrs. Bland stood as a prospective parliamentary candidate in Swansea East at last year's general election in the United Kingdom. However, Mrs. Bland has run into a bit of trouble with her latest opus and has mysteriously disappeared from the literary groups she regularly frequented. Her featured poem, "Punks Sweary" was received prior to her recent developments and is exclusive to this site.

To whom it may concern..

2006-11-03T10:54:00.000-08:00

Roughly
36
million Americans
and his wife
recreate top secret
customary witch hunt
Wanna check it out?

Americans do not
take pleasure from
Zealot Visionaries
knitting bactria yardsticks

Dear
American man,
Please fill the form below
Think about your new life ahead
Secretly visualize
   Better future, yarn-inspector
   Better life, world building
   Better success, wit-assailing

Any thoughts sailor?
       - Oka TaiLee

When Mr. TaiLee died last year, he left behind an impressive amount of unpublished work rumored to be worth tens of thousands of dollars. While most of his work centered on his folksy roots from growing up near the Florida Everglades, there were several poems (presumably drafted in the later part of his life) that revealed a scathing, bitter underbellow of resentment and frustration. The estate of Mr. TaiLee has been reluctant to publish these works for fear of damaging his reputation, however academics and fans alike have clamored for a glimpse into this new facet of a truly American poetic genius and our site is privileged to feature “To whom it may concern..” exclusively.

feminine blizzard harshness

2006-10-31T10:53:00.000-08:00

Open vacancies go on the rise... to leave it any residue cornflower. Contamination linguistics offer embarrassment language written... asking... about our purpose.

      +

Access granted to send emails to whale-backed endangered species! Moeso-gothic object-speculum especially crafted outer-letter search-phrase quotes Depakote: My darling, are you happy?

      +

The tension and then the relief after, but unable in this moment of stress, to silence Duke Ellington, hoped dissatisfaction to turn sweet.

      +

What SHOULD we say, if anything, at decided guy… Let's be friends?
       - S. Clutterbuck

Mr. S. Clutterbuck of Strathclyde, Scotland thinks he is a professor of poetry emeritus at the University of Paisley, School of Media, Language and Music. Mr. Clutterbuck was born in India in May 1939 as the sonne of an army captain. His family moved back to England in 1947 for some reason and lived in the something-something area near someplace important. Sometime after his father’s death, Mr. Clutterbuck continued to live in the same house alone until (at the age of 55) he was given £60,000 (a very large sum at the time) to marry somebody for some reason that seemed awfully important.

{tthemee}

2006-10-30T10:52:00.000-08:00

Stay at moms work from home
delivering pharmacy worldwide
and
cartridge discrepancies.

Discover mother-in-law products that can improve you life!
::benzedrine
:::methyl cyanide
::::nitrogen tetroxide
:::::phenylalanine

Tuberculosis?
Please do not come to work today

Painful disorder?
No work tomorrow; Office closed

Appendicitis?
Office closed; No work tomorrow

Handshake cold sore?
Please do not come to the office today

Trust me, mole catcher. X-ray therapy doesn't keep you up at night.
- Lua Haskell-Eiffel

Mrs. Haskell-Eiffel is best known for her groundbreaking work in R&D for Commodore International & MOS between 1978 and 1983. Her interest in poetry began as a fluke when she noticed that several lines of complex programming code could be read as a surreal story. Mrs. Haskell-Eiffel began to experiment with this idea at the same time she was introduced to leet-speak. In 1986, over the course of two weeks, she composed “D34D p30PL3 74$73 L1|<3 (|-|1(|<3|\|”, which combined leet and obscure programming syntax to form an epic battle poem as an allegory to her days at Commodore. Her poem, “{tthemee}” was written several years ago, but makes its first published appearance on our site.

Blender Tablet [concrete]

2006-10-26T10:51:00.000-07:00

                      PHAeviRMACY
                PHAhmrRMACY
                PHAkxmRMACY
            PHAlgiRMACY
           PHAljdRMACY
             PHAnsvRMACY
        PHouARrsMA
          PHuARiMA
        PHkeARqMA
       PHfooARMA
     PHAwyyRMA
       PHnsvARMA
     PHljdARMA
      PHeorARMA
         VkAGRA
      VlkAGRA
    VmlAGRA
    VleAGRA
      VzIAGRA
   VlrAGRA
VlrAGRA
VIgAGRA
       - Damaris Spohn

Schooled in the poetic arts by ninjas of the Black Mountain College, Ms. Spohn has been crafting poetry, art, and abstract writing for over 20 years. Some of her earlier works, such as the series of randomly dual-coloured 35 foot by 42 foot posters that displayed the word “bAUMb” in 3 inch letters, echoed the avant-garde style of Andrew Warhola or Yoko Ono circa Fluxus. She gained national exposure in 1995 when she plastered 38 bright orange four foot by four foot posters with the words “Wet Paint” on the steps of the city hall building in Trenton, NJ. Recently she has taken the concrete poetique style to heart and created a series of concrete sculptures (some twenty three feet high) using her concrete poetique work.

Electricity Bitterness

2006-10-24T10:50:00.000-07:00

Non-bolshevist mulatto
   following haunted neo-roman
      looking for change about suffered grounds
         in between sips of a martini.

A man outside lazily
   shocked diplomats and harshly bent
      shitty sorbet that awarded each caught
         of his fiercest foreign eleven ancestry.

And now you wanna see
   brazenly pounded pigpen
      unbutton our mission here in barbuda seclusion?

Forget about it and take pleasure every night!
       - Yanochka K.

Ms. Yanochka K. is a native of San Francisco eh, but not a Native American living in San Francisco way. Rather... she is a person who was born in San Francisco yo and not a transplant to San Francisco like many of her friends go. Ms. Yanochka K. gets around you know, but not like gets around like a ho. It’s understandable that some think doing the poetry circuit is parallelo, although, that’s how you make it in San FranciscO.

Patting her on the back as she sobbed hysterically

2006-10-23T10:49:00.000-07:00

halfball the wind	through the long	yawns
and sobbed and	the secret sewer	Infected thanksgiving
correspond to cots	charity in the adventure	negative to coil
The chime of	the warlord bell	flowed out into
the slave	The triangles notes	the holy chant
written with	the storm like	haiti angels
with Satan	At last the atone	of rivalry lay
vanquished. The	livery paused	in its course
to do central	to God.	despite however
aborn clap	of thunder smote	the sky
The prunes chime	of the pinion	off with a
a relenting dissonance	Demons seemed	to nursing
Rain came	hauling with	ceremony and interspersed
midst of a prattling	had suddenly	hoecakes mad in the
if a High Priest	discourage but resolute	Father Ambrose
seized a fringes	In phalanx	if for battle
the brethren sposed	awaken with gleaming	eyes and trembling
snorts the militant	army of God	swept up oiled
stairs mumbling	the ritual of the overcautious	infected crafty
by the brain hysteria	Aubrey haughty	of the eared
compost at warm	by the generate	correspond to glacier
as swan

- Nazih Kowalewski

Mr. Kowalewski is an active member of the Universal Gnostic Movement of the U.S.A. His parents had been members of the Peoples Temple since the mid-1960s, but due to financial difficulties, did not move with the rest of the church to Jonestown, Guyana until early 1978. At that time, Nazih was sent to live with his mother’s family and was told that once his parents had settled in Guyana, he and his grandparents would be moving with them. In a strange twist of fate, this never occurred and Nazih was left orphaned to be raised by his grandparents. Mr. Kowalewski did not learn the true fate of his parents until 15 years later and started writing poetry soon after as part of his coping therapy.

Fowl Coeducational Virtue

2006-10-19T10:48:00.000-07:00

Technology is:
- unnatural
- unimportant
- innumerable
- expected...

When to stop blogging:
- last night
- middle school
- when girls don’t like you...
- as you cuum during a sexxual performance...

My country:
- world-weariness
- mudslinging virtue
- passion distracted
- evil

That is all for you… your destiny
- Sorne Dansereau

Canadian-born Sorne Dansereau is a geothermal engineer with Halliburton at their Villahermosa, Mexico office. During her off-hours, she enjoys writing sonnets and spoems as well as competing in women’s professional wrestling. Mrs. Dansereau has been a luchador in Mexico since 2004 and has enjoyed an outstanding record among her constituents. However, since she has not lost her mask (and doesn’t intend to) she does not want to reveal her wrestling name for fear of being taken down at her office.

Casino Verite [haiku]

2006-10-17T10:47:00.000-07:00

this will be secret
she's the apple of my eye
tenderness afar.

              "dihedral thingy"
               accommodating catch phrase
               footnote astutely.

i’m fighting with you
united nations doping
patriotism?
       - Autumn Crowley

The haiku form is out of character for Ms. Crowley as she tends to craft her work in the style of Language poetry. However, Ms. Crowley decided to create something out of her element (form-wise) for our site, while retaining her normal polemics tendencies. Ms. Crowley is a Senior Lecturer at London South Bank University, Arts Media and English Department where her teaching and research interests intersect old media studies, overly critical spatial practice and the implications of ancient technologies for redefinitions of modern space. Her latest book is called Analog Grin and is available from Eroticism Cordially, Ltd.

in a column in the student

2006-10-16T10:46:00.000-07:00

Hi afternoon pee
(cover her in it if you want)
Ready or not!
Oh, you do it very fast...

Is that your girl?
Why?
Miniature photography
Let’s go check it out!

Hi, pavement ant
Need some help?
{{ hurl rage }}
Oh, you are not able to control your feelings!
- Fide Ogadima

Turkish poet Fide Ogadima, whose uncommon lyrical gifts and uncompromising politics have brought her acclaim worldwide and prosecution at home, won the Very Noble Attempt literature prize this year for her works dealing with the symbols of clashing cymbals. Liechtenstein Academy chairman Marjan Hertel, whose institution sponsors the Very Noble Attempt award, said of 54-year-old Istanbul-born Ogadima “…in the quest for the melancholic soul of her native country, has discovered new cymbals for clash and interstellar shoelace couture.” The Very Noble Attempt award committee chairman, Horace Engdahl, said Ogadima’s political situation and exceptional home-cooking had not affected the decision. “She has a flowing ingenuity and impressive imagination,” Engdahl told Liechtensteinian press officials. Ms. Ogadima’s featured poem, “in a column in the student” was written two years ago and makes its debut appearance in this publication.

Coiffing Tibet …tactically talking on cell phones…

2006-10-12T10:45:00.000-07:00

Sorry about last night.

A lack of spontaneous, overscheduled report says release Monday;
it's chasing butterflies,
and playing with
blasphemous erotic toy shop technologies.

They voted for
more money
all with the goal of oak-timbered butternut bath.

Plus many contribute to depression, for creating is more good.

Sleep in the air, setting a course at night across the offshore, teahouse consequential wind. “Shut up, you jerk,” I said. “Don't bother me.”

I didn’t forget.

Thanks 4 last night!
- Bysshe Pergande

The original inspiration for Mrs. Pergande’s avant-garde poetry and prose came while eating a Korean pear in her kitchen during the summer of 1971. The delicious sweet taste coupled with the crisp, juicy texture moved Mrs. Pergande to jot down several lines of text in appreciation to the fruit. In 1998-99, a two-volume collection of Mrs. Pergande’s work was published by Speedboat Throwaway Press, which also featured the collage-style artwork of Lasse Marhaug. We should also note that during the summer of 2006, New York City sound artist, Maria Chavez, created an hour-long sound piece dedicated to Mrs. Pergande’s work.

Anhydride Incidence (I know this!)

2006-10-10T10:44:00.000-07:00

dead beat
everyday thug
still down or tired.

Gospel Judas leapt to his defense.

Are you willing to
take advantage of our administration?
Simply meet Christian singles today!

Hi, Non-catholic,
You have feelings of guilt and embarrassment?
Don’t be declined any more!
Hurry! Limited time only!

Paleo-eskimo, Contemn itholdeth haveno!

“Thank you, doctor. My fellow Harmonites! Finally we have heard a clear praises, especially crafted, throaty pixie.”
- Boleslaw Roudebush

Mr. Roudebush started writing poetry in 1987 while serving a five-year sentence in a Texas prison for various acts of non-acceptable social behavior. Once released, Mr. Roudebush kept in touch with many of his inmates by sending them books of poems and short stories. In 2002, Mr. Roudebush started a publication called Prison Poetry, which was inspired by Ray Hill’s The Prison Show radio program. Prison Poetry receives limited circulation in the libraries of US correctional facilities and continues to find a growing fan-base among the general public. His poem, “Anhydride Incidence (I know this!)” is exclusive to this site.

rejection hesitancy

2006-10-09T22:43:00.000-07:00

It's me
The Bull Hunter
the standard
of domination

Avoid enhancement pills
Be respectful
Feel strong
Be macho!
I felt it myself when my girlfriend had left me!

Domestic critics
didn’t understand it.
Don’t know whether they
finally
launched their new Xbox.

I am really happy I got this nice thing on-line
Thanks for the help
- Azariah Rainbolt

Mr. Rainbolt is a professional genealogist by day and a poet by morning. He believes his penchant for poetry is genetic in that he is related to the great Yorkshire poet, Isaac Ely, who moved to the United States after receiving a land grant from Lord Fairfax in the late 1700s. Mr. Rainbolt started writing poetry when he was very young and had many of his poems published in his high school newspaper. Often times, the young (and intrepid) Mr. Rainbolt would submit his poetry to several different schools in the province to expand his reader base. Mr. Rainbolt had five collections of his poetry and short stories published during the 1980s, but has recently slowed down to focus on arc welding. "rejection hesitancy" is one of three poems Mr. Rainbolt has written this year and is exclusive to this publication.

nerve sheath news

2006-10-04T10:42:00.000-07:00

Aloha!

Can you be like a man?
BE like a normal MAN
Videotaped? Fotos? Hollywood?
This is what i was talking about

feel young – be younger
more money
multiple orgasms
It’s possible because I always use Extrra-Time!

Hello!

Nice to see you again
tell Darren I said hi
enjoy ssex with her!

Need some help?
Let’s keep in touch
Be cool
Call me
- Dorsey Saldana Quinton

Ms. Quinton is a voice actress with the Donna Baldwin Company in Denver, CO and has been composing poetry since August 2, 1997, using a cut-up technique on the various scripts she is given to read. In 2003, Ms. Quinton compiled and self-published a small pamphlet of her poems which displayed the rough cut~and~paste version on one page and the actual poem developed on the facing page. Our site is honored to be the first to feature Ms. Quinton’s work outside of her own publications.

Running Wrong

2006-10-03T10:41:00.000-07:00

Iranian President6
and think 5
on Thursday, 4
president "a sick man" 3

How do you make a good thing better?

he will focus 3
scorching speech 2
on Wednesday, 2
of President Bush, 1
only to the United 1

An auction is starting!
The Final Days promise to be thrilling.
- Magdalena van Thorpe

Some have called Magdalena van Thorpe’s work that of a liberal neocon. However, she prefers to view her work as that of independent isolationism. Her poetic essays tend to reflect (in her opinion) a view of the current state of affairs from atop the catbird seat; removed yet watchful. Several years ago, Mrs. van Thorpe’s work took an apocalyptic turn after she returned from a rather horrific skiing trip in Italy during February 1998 where she witnessed several of her traveling companions die in a gondola accident. Mrs. van Thorpe’s poems have been published in various periodicals around the US and Europe with a planned catalogue raisonné set for 2009 from Sparrow Janitor Press.

Jet-Propelled Accession Destruction

2006-10-02T10:40:00.000-07:00

Tycoon suicide suspense group
      night-blowing.

Woman-flogging subjects try
      Khartum fuel gentlemen.

Analysis captured canting
      resignation debate indulgence.

In the mountains in the northwest, water,
luxuriating in the smelly, rotten coolness. He could have
lain like destroying nature. A single wingtip feather,
he found, moved a fraction of an inch.      We'll see peace --- a showdown ---
with hot Friday for sun. Ones, shameful ones,
and ones much more dangerous than this sweet non-venetian desolation.
       - Dmitrij Mehajlovich

Так уж получилось, что в тот день, когда была начата работа над этим сайтом, пришло известие о смерти Дмитрия Михайловича Балашова.... Писателя, романы которого открыли многим из нас дорогу в мир Святой Руси, послужили источником вдохновения, в том числе и при создании сего сайта. Поэтому и появилась эта страница, посвященная памяти писателя, патриота, человека.

Wreck-Threatening Counseling

2006-09-26T10:39:00.001-07:00

Your usage statistics have displayed tendency desire that which allowed and could be browsed freely through millions of other pages

but decided disobey.

This situation very similar... another God created wonderful paradise gave Adam Eve. They do anything they wanted wanted. Only rule given them by was from forbidden tree knowledge good... evil. However just entered room also tree. When disobeyed brought spelled from their infirmity ~ HUMILITY ~ by whom sins if thou shalt.

God Almighty displeases badness and the pulpit spiritual madness. Therein: the part either accepteth it not inasmuch called: the light man, learned amongst madmen. Blessed Salem which may inferred... shewe thus mountain the colour gold... a tonce golden mountain.
- Arnaud Rodenberg

Mr. Rodenberg is an altyidish member of the Elders of Zion and the editor-in-chief for the Roman Missal of the Catholic Church (United States) and serves on the editorial panel for the Catholicism for Dummies book. He tends to experiment with translations of older church texts for inspiration of his poetry.

Erratically Exasperating

2006-09-25T10:38:00.000-07:00

The fastest, most effective proper noun apple cider on its axles, and he remembered that they could rest in the shade of the.... Better not think about your father now, you'd be better off not saying, “Monday my face apart.”

They never tied up the loose ends, never found out where the lab had gotten designs made by rust on the cabin's red roof. His dark raven hair, like his sister's, bounced rhythmically. He asked for the fastest, most effective ox-headed slumber paint. That little animal is extinct, he laughed.

Touch me not, I am not yet ascended unto the Father. Yes, he would have made a good stalker.
- Akua Fujii

Ms. Fujii was born in Honolulu, HI in 1949. Her mother is from North Africa while her father was from the Philippines. The two met while working for an international construction company that was rebuilding the military bases around the Hawaiian Islands. They fell in love with each other and with the Islands, so they decided to stay in Hawaii and start a family. Ms. Fujii’s relationship with the Island’s volcanoes is especially poignant due to the history she shares with them. For example, her father used to tease her that he would throw her into a nearby volcano if she was misbehaving. Ms. Fujii’s first sexual experience was on a trail on the side of a volcano. She got married on top of a volcano. And recently, she ceremoniously scattered the ashes of her father over one of the volcanoes in a bittersweet tribute to the teasing he used to give her when she was a little girl.

Widow-Wail Family Life

2006-09-21T10:37:00.000-07:00

Good news cool
Good news flat
Good news dother
Hot monday father

Good news for granny
Good news for god
Hot monday for family
Hot monday trust

Good news high
Good news mother
Better future, whisky cherry
Hot monday cool
- Ingemar Binger

Mr. Binger was born in Sweden during one of the worst snow storms of 1971 in his family’s hometown of Malmö. He was raised by his father (an architect for Øresundskonsortiet) but never knew his birth mother as (it was said) she became mentally unstable and depressed soon after Ingemar's birth and committed suicide. However, Mr. Binger’s father was something of a playboy and always had a stockade of beautiful women to call upon. After serving his tour of duty for mandatory military service in Sweden, Mr. Binger played bass with a death metal group called We Are All Going To Die. They released a 7” record and numerous cassettes, but the band could not hold a steady line-up together long enough to play with any consistency. Mr. Binger currently works as an apprentice architect alongside his father and tends to hide bits of his poetry in the blueprints of his drawings (a lá Albert Hirschfeld).

Immigration Deformation

2006-09-19T10:36:00.000-07:00

badmouth moral business
spectacularly threateningly
expensive technically

Capture transaction has been accepted!
Your future, never-say-die

prostitution pain, Mr. Schuhart.
Golden Ball? Let it talk.

voice: got themselves some jelly.... know me better than I know myself. You're getting old, that must be it. “Yes,” Redrick said. “But not here.”

Sin was not necessarily something that you did: it might be something that happened to you. To spend is so often misunderstood.

Hello future yacht squadron!
- Dr. Samuel Odongo

The high-flying cut-throat chaotic world of international finance provides the perfect counter-measure for the poetic work of Dr. Odongo. As a top management official of the Finance Corporation in Cotonou, Benin Republic, Dr. Odongo spends his off hours exploring the southern banks of the Niger River in his Range Rover where he aspires to find the tranquility of Viking women.

If Penises Could Talk On Masculinity And Man Power

2006-09-14T10:35:00.000-07:00

Do you want to earn money?
Do you like to play video games?
Do you suffer from mood swings?
Do you want to hear you rock in bed?
Do you wish to become multi-orgasmic?
Do you want something useful in your life?
Do you have the experience but not the Degree?
Do you want erectile dysfunction to die forever in your life?

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- Imamu Marmolejo

Mr. Marmolejo is co-founder and director of Zanzadu African Music and Dance Company and sub-director of the Cal Arts African Music and Dance Ensemble where he also teaches West African music and dance to people who can not find the continent of Africa on a globe even if it was two inches away from their stupid collective noses. He comes from a family of composers and dancers who have served dozens of gods for many generations as lead drummers and composers among the Anlo-Ewe people of southeastern Ghana. In recent years, Mr. Marmolejo and other members of his family have become much in demand as poets, lecturers and performers in Europe, Australia, and the United States. In California, Mr. Marmolejo and his brothers are well known for their annual production of The Cannabis Sativa is Coming, a poetic music and dance concert presenting groups representing several presentations of representations that represent the present.

Fifth Third Bank (an ode)

2006-09-12T10:34:00.000-07:00

express cash credit / home credit
easy new home credit
we can credit you by cashe
lowest credit rate - ask us for credit you

loan request
error in your billing information
payee fault
find solution dispute

forget the horseshoe or the clover leafs
your cash, monilia disease
your cash, nine-syllabled
your money, mithridate mustard

:did A1VIN advise G1ENN?
:in GREG0RY her news re1ease pr0fi1ed A1FRED0

:did TIM0THY examine her investment?
:may NEI1 see her d011ar

:wi11 the investment s st0ck ana1yze 1E0N?
:Your future begins with this call 340900098
- Guy Crum

Mr. Crum was born in Madison, WI, but only lived there for the first six months of his life. His parents had taken the summer off and were visiting several specialty cheese bakeries when his mother unexpectedly went into labor during their tour. As luck would have it, Mr. Crum’s grandparents lived just outside of Madison, so his mother stayed behind (with Baby Crum) while his father went back to their home in Elk Grove, CA. Soon after Guy and his mother returned to California, the family started their own specialty cheese bakery, which continues to this day. Mr. Crum however has taken a decidedly different path in life and works as an auditory supervisor at Skywalker Sound in Marin County, CA. Mr. Crum is active in composing ambient sound recordings and writing poetry for various arts magazines around Northern California. Otherwise, his poetic and musical works are normally self-published.

Impropriety Disconcerting

2006-09-08T10:33:00.000-07:00

Every day you loose the sensations of seex!
You cumm right after penetration!
(Damn, you can not stop premature ejjacullation!)
It’s a pity, because you could do it with her much longer!

Renew your health and mental state now
Rejuvenate your body, mind and soul at once
Give your muscles and your soul a boost

Your energy level can be a lot higher
Forget the worn-out feeling you had lately
You'll get up with newfound enthusiasm

A way to make the most of your body
Re-energize your body
Discover the real energy of your body
Feel the same as in your 20s

One simple method to live the live of youth
Recall the bubbling energy you had in youth
Don't think the feeling of youth is gone!
Don't think youth can't be returned!

Frenchy's Chicken!! King Special Only $4.89
Your lucky day?
- Lakshmi Manzanares

An active member of the reformed Zoroastrian movement, Mrs. Manzanares has spent the past two decades writing articles and poetry for Parsiana Magazine. Much of her work (both journalistic and poetic) focuses on the life and times of modern day Zoroastrian & Parsees in India, Iran and North America. Her featured poem, “Impropriety Disconcerting” (exclusive to this site) is an excellent example of her ability to condense the questions and conflicts faced by modern Zoroastrians into an intricate collection of prose.

Distorter Takeover

2006-09-06T10:32:00.000-07:00

Mason’s manner was snarling, punitive, sinister, bitterly sarcastic. But I did spend some evenings with her just the same.

He climbed two thousand feet above the black sea, and without a standard battery. And to what or near what other places in between?

It was about three dollars for both meals. But here is a discrepancy of four dollars and sixty-five cents. It was twenty-four dollars and sixty-five cents. You know these figures pretty well, I see. And at once many of the spectators in the room beginning to whisper. Why should each one say that with so much emphasis?

He gave me a nasty chuckle. Every law ridden, feudalistic. A stranger would have been through the files and found them most interesting, unseeingly at the black bulk of the mountains. Now that I was in space, past the point of para-analgesia, the sphere kept growing.

For strange warm reason, he started to drop behind questions. Was this why he was so melancholy, in so unusual a frame of mind? He wants his legs back, the bastard.
- Larisa Sosnitskaya

The prose of Larisa Sosnitskaya was influenced by writers such as Dorothy Parker and Alexander Woollcott. Ms. Sosnitskaya finds her creative inspiration arrives during the night while dreaming or while she’s having sex. These moments of literary insight can be revealed as words, sentences, or long passages and she often stops everything to jot them down. During her waking hours, she represents Mr. Mikhail Khordokovsky, the former C.E.O of Yukos Oil Company.

No Compromise Monday

2006-09-05T10:31:00.000-07:00

You throw filth on the living and flowers on the dead.
Such a glimpse as that is no basis for an accurate description.

When I turned myself over to God, I took my life out the hands of an idiot.
Hardly respectful to analyze heaven in the very moment that one flies.

I feel as if I were coming out from laughing gas.
The statements of their advocates were in manifest conflict.
- Sanjay Ray

A devout Hindu who’s primary worship includes the goddess Saraswati, Mr. Ray is often found reciting his prose at various temples and on the banks of the river Ganga in Varanasi, including the famous Vishwanath Temple in Varanasi. Mr. Ray completed his degrees in architecture and archeology during the early 1990s and started working for an architectural firm in Australia for three years on planning and preparation of concentric circular concentration camps in small towns. From there, Mr. Ray worked in London, UK for two years on designs of large regional horse hospitals. He also participated and won the first prize in the national competition for the design of the plan for preparing the footnotes of drawings for the Plasmatic Plan of Jawaharlal Nehru University. Sanjay Ray’s first book, Tropical Architecture, was published by Tata McGraw Hill Publishing Co. India. Mr. Ray is working on his first poetry book, which he plans to have published in 2007.

Die Like Frank Sinatra

2006-09-01T10:30:00.000-07:00

He gave one last look across the sky, across that magnificent silver murmur diphthong. Life,,, well-fought.

"What do you need it for?"

Edge of the quarry was getting closer and he could see the fanciful, white-flowered future,,, formally Great Britain. The depression lay before them, and Arthur was already standing there, well-proportioned, as he had before. He was bent over and was walking very bidiagonal,,, oblong-linear,,, oval-arched,,, woman-flogging.

This white-churned success
SAVE MY SOUL FROM DANGER

Ended
- Themistocles Millener

Mr. Millener lives in Igoumenitsa, Greece. He has been writing poetry, philosophy and short prose for several years, but "Die Like Frank Sinatra" is one of his first pieces of poetry written in English -- previous works as well as many of his current pieces are written in his native Greek tongue. Mr. Millener spends much of his time working in the maritime industry much like his father, and his father before him, and his father before him, and his father before him, and his father before him, and his father before him. Mr. Millener often boasts that his lineage has spent more time on water than on dry land.

forgiver dead: all such in me [tanka haiku]

2006-08-28T10:29:00.000-07:00

Please read this message
You won't believe what I found:
Hacker witchdoctress,
moon-stricken [and] non-gothic.
What will make her go sexy?

Your gold & diamonds
products that improve her life
she will love you more
she'll be going ooh-la-la!
Don’t make her wait. Get it now!
- Norbert Chung

Mr. Chung and his parents were born and lived in Hong Kong but left the area a year before the end of the British colonization period. Mr. Chung currently lives in the United States and is a computer scientist at the IBM Thomas J. Watson Research Center in New York. Research interests include application-specific architectures, tools and programming models for parallel universes, Asian-oriented software development, sources and transmission of kim chi, and software as art. Mr. Chung also serves as a consultant for the ODIN innovation management micropractice with an emphasis on best practices for war, fury and absolute destruction technology transfer. In his spare time, Mr. Chung enjoys crafting tanka style poetry and often finds his work published in the company newsletter. Our site is one of the very few outlets (outside of IBM’s employee newsletters) where Mr. Chung’s work is featured.

Sleigh Royal (part one)

2006-08-25T10:28:00.000-07:00

He laughed a happy laugh, crouched down, and beat both fists as hard as he heard the familiar rumble from both sides. There was nothing on the left, Lord God himself, and then two stalkers were killed within a few days, are, in comparison, unleavened, no matter how deeply he plunges into the something... it would hurt.

But what do I care? In the end, they'll following his instinct -- backward, the very direction they couldn't take. Think upside down, reversing the curve of his wing, and reversing it.

Conclusion instructor, "You couldn't leave!"

That bright creature said to him, and the voice was strong and light and quick in the air, but far and away more important.
- Stefanie Goldstein

It’s not common for this site to feature more than one work from each poet, but it’s also not common to receive an amazing three-part poem from one of the worlds most respected and recognized spam poets, Stefanie Goldstein. Ms. Goldstein first grew into prominence in 1999 via a series of critical poems published in the British edition of Vogue aimed at the United States, her most famous being “Stop Being Obese and Unhappy”. She continued her tirade against the United States as well as her native Israel for several years and has seen many of her books (as well as anthologies containing her work) banned by several countries. In 2005, Ms. Goldstein inexplicably changed her style to a more abstract and conversational tone; one that shied away from direct political and national confrontation and, instead, embraced what she self-mockingly refers to as "walking through a crowded train station and remembering only the fragments of conversations". Continued in next post…

Paper Foot (sleigh royal part two)

2006-08-23T10:27:00.000-07:00

The residing hysteria Aubrey, marvelous of the sadistic. The idea of being his widow overcame her.

"I don't care what they say," he thought fiercely, and his vision… the knocking paused in its course to do stallion to God.

It took him a while to understand. That disappeared somewhere from his fingers, and he lit another one. Arthur stood, chiseled profile, the clear skin of his cheek, and the determined set of his mother's blouse.

Redrick thought that they were putting his old man in the hospital for blood, and didn't even think about abandoning him… even though I had. If I start out on the bike at first light, I might even be able to make it back before noon.
- Stefanie Goldstein

...continued from previous post. Her fans quickly split between those who longed for her original style and those who embraced "Stefanie - Mark II". A stunning example of Ms. Goldstein in top form was during the Latitude Festival set in East England in July 2006. There, she debuted the "Sleigh Royal" trilogy with her long-time friend Patti Smith reading part one, Attila the Stockbroker reading part two and Ms. Goldstein reading the third part. The reading was a resounding success and, soon afterwards, our site gained the incredible fortune of being the first to publish the "Sleigh Royal" trilogy in its proper form. Concluded in next post...

Wharf Dues Success (paper foot sleigh royal part three)

2006-08-21T10:26:00.000-07:00

"Listen," I said to Kirill, still looking at the canisters. "Did you..."

"The trick, Fletcher, is that we are trying to overcome our limitations, hankies, and an orchestra."

"Not really. You see, by then I had come to believe in the visitation ground."

He cast Harry an oddly furtive look as he said it.

"Yes, but I have nothing to do with the study of extraterrestrial of them, and to help them see it in themselves. That’s what I mean by…. Tender? He does have two kids, after all… to the limit of their ability."

"I know, I know, I've heard all about your affairs. Forbidden! Have we suddenly become plague-ridden during the last two years?"

Spiritual interrupt...

"You're getting what might happen to you mixed up with what already happened to him."

Compare.
- Stefanie Goldstein

... continued from previous post. Fans of Ms. Goldstein’s work (both old and new) can seek out her collected works via her own imprint, Information Decommission Press, however many of her books are published in short runs and usually go out of print quickly. Fans and curiosity seekers can also tune in to Resonance 104.4 FM (UK) to hear Ms. Goldstein read many of her past and newest works as well as works of those she admires.

Violet Forbearance

2006-08-16T10:25:00.000-07:00

Paper-shelled nankeen lily pagoda sleeve.

Well-sinking
   nerve-rending
    darrin bowling
      M-shaped
orange peeler incidence.

Your future muse-inspired mystery religion.

make other men envy you.
make your girls worship you.
make your girlfriend or wife speechless.

So what do you think?
       - Tatsuo

The darling of neu Japanese poetry, Tatsuo graduated from the Tokyo National University of Fine Arts and Music in 1984. He has traveled the world studying art and literature under several grant programs and collaborated with several international artists and poets on creating unique exhibitions exploring the possibilities of coupling advanced electronic devices with archaic languages and glyphs. Tatsuo currently lives in Ibaraki, Japan and is addicted to eating roasted almonds.

Okinawa Epicenter Question

2006-08-14T10:24:00.000-07:00

Your health and well-being can be restored
night-folded
wire-bound
Just order it on-line and the result will impress you!

Don't think the feeling of youth is gone
world-favored
pet rejuvenation
Why be an average guy any longer?

Products that can improve you life
outrageously barley
incantation nitroglycerine
Even now you can look and feel younger!

Don't stop doing things you like most
waterfowl litigated wing feather
deflected wave top stoic
Your future begins with this call!

Don't be left out, join millions of men in the revolution
- Quetzalcoatl Granato

Born in a small village outside of Mexico City, Mr. Granato and his parents have lived in exile in Canada due to the violence of the 1994 armed rebellion of the Ejército Zapatista de Liberación Nacional in Chiapas. Many of Mr. Granato’s works are seeped in double entendres, alluding to a correlation between the innate human desire for sex and the need for confrontation and violence. Mr. Granato speaks and writes in five languages (German, English, Spanish, Yucatec Mayan, & Italian) and has published his work in one or more of these languages depending on the mood of the piece. He is currently studying the Chol language and hopes to begin using it for poetry and literature within the next three years. Ultimately, Mr. Granato wants to return to his original home in Mexico and teach his language skills to the native people. “Okinawa Epicenter Question” was originally published three years ago in the German edition of the Goodyear Orchestra Magazine and has been translated and reconfigured by Mr. Granato exclusively for this publication.

Last Call For Our Huge, Sweet Cherries

2006-08-11T10:23:00.000-07:00

Hi my dear stranger,

Read this before Monday.
(you better read this, or you'll kick yourself)

Can’t be a lover anymore?
  Get out of the obese crowd, oil cake.

Want to be a hero in bed?
  End the annoying obesity now, well-sized future.

Harder Quicker and Longer Healthy life is your dream?
  Check out the wonders of pound melting, orchard heater.

What’s your opinion?

Oh, you are not able to control your feelings!
   (And it’s not strange – you cuum very fast!)
But now you can penetrate hardly and give the pleasure to every woman!

More?
Ironing board?
Refreshed by the Presence of The Lord?
Thank you for choosing easy speedy vast diocese!

Sweet occulting light

Your well-affectioned beaker repentant nail maker,
` Khashab

       - Androcles Bergstrom

In 1999, Mr. Bergstrom had written a poetic essay for publishing consideration to the Dutch magazine, Vjijagra Rexplica. The piece was rejected for being (quote) too abstract and not pertinent to any articles or poems of recent publication (unquote). This inspired a series of creative letter writing from Mr. Bergstrom to other arts-focused publications, but this time under the nom de plume, Khashab. These letters were collected and studied in 2002 by Phi Kappa Phi’s Forum Magazine as an example of poetry terrorism. In 2003, Mr. Bergstrom was invited to speak at a poetry symposium that was to be held at the White House on February 12th. The symposium1, “Poetry Will Kick Your Fascist War-Mongering Ass and After That, the Poets Themselves Are Gunna Kick Your Ass, Literally, You Fucking Criminal,” was eventually postponed but, the recognition was enough to earn Mr. Bergstrom several book offers… none of which he has accepted as of this publication date. The poem featured is exclusive to this web site.

Comprehend Infinite Moon Blindness

2006-08-08T10:22:00.000-07:00

Elite handbag replicas
ricochet molasses
from stealthy blackberry typo.

Overdue notice warning on
wood scale organ building
prompted
increased stamina!

Orange-red
dietitian sculpture
will be forced to suspend your account!

Morning-glory family
(brand new, every man wants it)
revel in this private noble-featured
“Roosevelt select” bestseller action.

Symbian primates studied
unsafe coaster buoyancy.

What's in your collection?
- Ethelinda Burk

Few poets are as obsessive-compulsive as Ms. Burk. True, many poets work long and hard to find the right combination of words and phrases to complete a thought or create an image however, Ms. Burk’s passion and zeal for wordsmith has thrice landed her in local medical clinics for intensive migraines and various physical ailments associated with stress. Thus, her collected work is quite sparse. Nonetheless, it’s not quantity, but quality that drives the fans of Ethelinda Burk’s work into frenzy when a new piece is published. Several small press publishers have approached Ms. Burk in an effort to collect (and probably cash-in on) her work, but she remains indecisive and uncommitted to the idea. Our publication is extremely fortunate to have “Comprehend Infinite Moon Blindness” as an exclusive poem from Ms. Burk which, as we are told, took no less than two years to complete.

No More Trips To The Post Office

2006-08-02T10:21:00.000-07:00

huge axial
  overdue notice

upward silver-plated
  warning

your luxury
  rosy showmanship

cheek disparaging
  inferiority complex

stripe
  well sprayed

enormous coproduct
  affairs

vast bandstand
  large afternoon

perceptively
  dormitory

corkscrew
  bedraggle

question
  correction

alive
  dissident

soft
  bombings
       - Herodotus Escudero

Very puritanical in his methods for assembling verses of poetry, Mr. Escudero style is certainly one that requires discipline and patience. His first series of poems date back to the mid-1970s when, as a teenager in the mid-west, he attempted to replicate Albert Hofmann's famous bicycle ride. Along his journey, he started to pick out words and phrases on signs that he passed, which made for an amusing series of sentences… and thus, his poetic style was born. These days, Mr. Escudero takes the same approach to his spam messages by scanning the inbox for short bursts of text to string together. As of this publication’s date, Mr. Escudero is busy compiling his works for his first book of collected poems, to be called Clouded Alderwoman Permanence.

A Better Future, World-Confounding

2006-08-01T22:20:00.000-07:00

He tried to fight the chaos, to summon from lips under the thin mustache. Among the rocks and rubble stood a bulldozer, its lowered bucket jammed.

His free arm crawled forward never taking his eyes off the line where he listened. And when Monkey stopped crying and went back to sleep, he waited.

To be centered for shame meant that he would be cast out of gull, surrealistic and the absurd. The cumulative effect is Kafkaesque horror. The grateful mankind will never forget you.

What that thing was saying no longer had any stood as though he had been planted, he did not even turn around.

A l o n g s i l e n c e .

"Well, this kind of flying has always been here to be of my business. Now nothing concerned me any more."

Strong and light and quick in the air, but far and away more important, he first gulp, but the web crawled across his consciousness again like pictures on a screen.

Asked in a weak voice, "Of course if you wish to learn..."
- Winona Shonda

Ms. Shonda achieved critical acclaim in early 2001 when she dedicated her poem “Life, Wild-Chosen” to the unsung heroes of the Philadelphia anarchist movement during the 1980s. The royalties and acclaim Ms. Shonda received from her work allowed her to explore other avenues of artistic expressions. In 2003, she started her own business of making hand-made paper and recently, she has been exploring the idea of producing and selling chalk with the grand vision of opening her own shop similar to the Sennelier in Paris.

Sinus Laxative

2006-07-31T22:19:00.000-07:00

Atoms
... obtain a university degree
... your university degree
... real degrees, not fake ones, in one day.

Cognizant armada
... night-cradled
... under the wire
... separate from other men.

BEWARE: The fashion of newest creation verses the further is ejaculation.

Again… to your health, mint julep.
- Desmond Tuttle

The whimsical style of Mr. Tuttle’s poetry has attracted an equal amount of praise and criticism. While his supporters find Mr. Tuttle’s work a literary flight of fancy, his detractors criticize the covert political message that runs deep in his verse. Nonetheless, Mr. Tuttle has seen several volumes of his work published in both solo form (via Goo and Plaay It Press) as well as part of a collection, the latest being Superhighway Typefaces, Selected Works from Cyperpoets & Network Junkies. Our publication is honored to feature "Sinus Laxative", an exclusive poem from Mr. Tuttle's oeuvre.

Water-Skier Pastoral

2006-07-27T10:18:00.000-07:00

great waves
unveil seaweed
awash in cash

paradise stock
heating, baking
enjoying burning desires

your degree
advanced forte
wisdom selling point
- Ugo Burroughs

Austrian-born Ugo Burroughs has been publishing his poems and prose for over a decade via his own imprint, New Thoughter Press. Ugo started writing poetry and poetic literature as a natural extension of his earlier career as a vocalist and song writer for the German progressive rock group, Eloy. When the band started moving away from their heavy metal and progressive rock direction, Ugo decided to strike out on his own as a script writer for various Berlin TV stations. It was during the long wait between assignments that Ugo started to develop his penchant for poetry. At first, his self-published books were distributed at local cafes and bookstores. But their popularity grew to point where he required a distributor to help disseminate his books all over Germany. Ugo takes care to develop his prose in German, English and Castilian Spanish.

Poetically Brainstorm

2006-07-25T10:17:00.000-07:00

Try and miss this......................

Why be an average guy any longer
Separate yourself from other men
Be special with a special size

Now you can get the momentum ~ unbelievable big boom power in bed
Be strong and passionate ~ reach your asshole with your dick

Special invitation to join our circle of women
Trust me - it will be a great surprise for your girl
Believe me - there will be a big buzz about it very soon

Get it straight......................
- Hobbies M. Jamal

Mr. Jamal brings a refreshingly gritty style of poetry to the literary world. Growing up the youngest of six children, Hobbies became interested in literature after being kicked off the basketball team in high school for missing too many practices. Mr. Jamal later admitted that he felt social pressure to play basketball, but never really had an interest in the sport. Hobbies inherited many of his treasured books, especially the works of Walter Mosley, from his eldest brother, who had been accidentally murdered as a by-stander to gang violence. Mr. Jamal has dedicated all of his writings to his eldest brother, including Hobbies’ first published collection Assassinate Bolshoi from Juicy Oregold Peaches Press.

Yao Yin Forest

2006-07-24T10:16:00.000-07:00

Hello, wood terrapin
You have feelings of guilt and embarrassment?
  Don’t worry
poor have right to be happy.

How are you, wood frog?
Tired of that jerk you call a boss?
  Obviously
Maybe you are a diamond in the rough.

Hi, well-intentioned otter shrew,
Looking for perfect sex?
  The watch you’ve always wanted?
Take a look and see!

Hey, human
We give you what you need:
  well-emphasized system upgrade.
You’ll be surprised!
       - Hortense “Hotdog Wont” Jamison

Mr. Jamison (known to his friends and co-workers as “Hotdog Wont”) has lived most of his life in Minnesota working for various medical device manufacturing companies and blames the tedium of these jobs on his obsessive compulsive disorder for hot dogs... hence his nickname. But he also uses this time to focus on his poetry which (according to Mr. Jamison) is told to him during the brief moments where he is just about to fall asleep at work. It’s during this brief lapse that Mr. Jamison claims to hear voices speaking poetry to him. Mr. Jamison keeps a notebook with him at all times so he can write these messages down and has since become paranoid that the FBI is seeking to steal his notebook in order to find coded messages about clinical drug trials. Otherwise, Mr. Jamison has seen several of his poems published in various art and literature magazines around the Northeastern United States and Canada.

¡Neurosis!

2006-07-21T10:15:00.000-07:00

Estimated secs flip
    open-circuit
       oval-visaged
           oxide blue
         oil painting
with a ground
      mossy-backed
          negrohead beech.

Typhoid horse shows
    truth-lover
          as folly-snared
                twelve-legged
            Balto-slavonic
          six-jointed
    church mouse
under the table.

Much admired
     white-gloved
       motors proposed alliance
     with rohah
   gearshift
      sensor
   for better future
  about
        well-documented
      powder pane absenteeism.

Need some help understanding this?
Pin a rose on your nose!
       - Darja Gremillion

Born in 1944 in Santa Monica, California, Ms. Gremillion would boast that she had never traveled further East than the Rocky Mountains. She started writing poetry in the late 1960s and often read her works on stage at rock and jazz concerts. Sometimes, bands would go on stage and start playing while she was reading... as a way to complement her work... but this only caused her distress as she felt her work was important enough to stand on its own and without musical accompaniment. During the mid-1970s, she stopped writing all together and didn't draft any new poems until she was diagnosed with cancer in the mid-1990s. After a difficult three year battle, Ms. Gremillion passed away in late 1997.

Stethoscope Stallion [haiku]

2006-07-20T22:14:00.000-07:00

Santa Claus catholic
  Looking for medications
Your stocking stuffer

Penis Enlarge Patch
  Improves love making magic
Future whizzing stick

What? Girls don’t like you?
  You have mail from Elena!
Why are you waiting?

She wants better sex
  36 hours of love
The ground is shakin!!!
       - Ealasaid Nakayama

Mr. Nakayama’s father served in the Japanese military under Emperor Hirohito and was stationed at the Tokushima Prefecture in Japan for many decades before and after World War II. Mr. Nakayama's mother fled to Japan from Pakistan during the First Kashmir War (1948). The details about how they met remains a mystery to Mr. Nakayama, but he’s happy none-the-less. The entire family moved to Canada 1987, but Mr. Nakayama decided to return to the Tokushima Prefecture in 2005 where he continues to practice his painting and haiku. His featured haiku, “Stethoscope Stallion”, was first published in 2002 by an obscure Quebecois poetry magazine that catered to foreign nationals living in Canada.

Exclamation Hypnotism

2006-07-19T22:13:00.000-07:00

Urgent! Important! Got a second?
Tell your boss that you quit!
Momentous note. You must to read.

            Gotta second for me? Weighty letter.
            Overwhelmingly important letter.
            Buy extra time and forget your fears…
            you can make delicious paella!

Serious note. You should to read.
Essentially important letter.
Want to cure yourself?
Give me 2 sec of ur time

            Urgent email! Overwhelmingly important email!
            Been saved lately? Don’t get left behind
            Urgent statement! You require to read.

Urgently to you! This is Aaron Neville
PLEASE, I NEED YOUR URGENT HELP
Thanks for 5 sec of ur time
       - Iestyn Coakley

Ms. Coakley (formerly Mr. Lee Warmer) no longer writes poetry as she converted to the Amish lifestyle and disappeared from the public eye about 12 years ago. It is believed that Ms. Coakley lives in Holmes County, Ohio, but this rumor has not been confirmed. Finding her work, as well as the work of her former identity, is truly a challenge among obscure poetry collectors. Our site gained permission to use “Exclamation Hypnotism” from Ms. Coakley’s parents who wish to remain anonymous.

Message Object

2006-07-17T10:12:00.000-07:00

Avoid
nectar-secreting
Taiwanese Nationals
with uylua.

Bad gtoki
amoeba
ejaculates
pauper-born life.

Delicious
Mowrah Butter
includes
truck stop cellulose.
- Abigail Stevenson

Mrs. Stevenson was born in Bolivia while her parents were active in the Peace Corps during the early 1960s. Even though she has grown up around the globe, she believes that Salina, Kansas is her true home. Mrs. Stevenson’s poetry has been published in various independent magazines around the United States and continues to enjoy working on barbed-wire sculptures. She believes that her poetry and sculptures reflect the duality of life's pain and confusion.

Forsake Feeling Heart

2006-07-13T10:11:00.000-07:00

He rolled farther into the room.

   blowfish............. detest

He saw it near the door and rolled over to it.

   The saddest eyes............. are like handcuffs.

‘Cat’ then crawls as close to his mistresses as possible before expiring and killing one of said mistresses. He thought:

   There comes a point when the very discussion of pain becomes redundant.

The first time, I was in so much pain that it felt like someone had put me into hell from the knees down.

That was enough.
Take the matches, Paul.

............. Bend
       - Chauncey Livingston

Born in 1937 at the bottom of the socialite ladder, Chauncey Livingston grew up in Gateshead, England and started writing avant-garde spam poems as an escape from the harsh reality of war-torn England. He gained literary stature for his unconventional method of opening spam messages and searching for strings of seemingly nonsensical text. This remarkable talent earned Mr. Livingston an honorary degree in literature from the University of Northumbia at Newcastle in 1986. His influence on spam poetry still reverberates today and collections of his work are available at rare book dealers around the globe.

Do you want your girlfriend back?

2006-07-12T10:10:00.000-07:00

Sometimes
       quarters
  react like a narrator
or         an indicative felon.

Why seek?
       serve the bounds
  overcome wisdom selling point
         at       mid-world.

Restate the illustrious
         moth-eaten
            saxophone
  distastefully.
       - Kuriko Yokota

Mr. Yokota traditionally writes poetry in haiku and tanka form. In 2002, he started writing poetry in English as per the encouragement of his friend and colleague, Ha Jin.

Malady

2006-07-10T10:09:00.000-07:00

Sweet summer cherries
improves love together
[in] ad-lib deadlock.

Voting booth stitching
will help you to save
[on] quality meds and maidenhair.

Reach for it,
your compensatory holster,
[as] jet lovenest warned.
- Schwanhild Pauls

Not much has been written about Mr. Pauls as he is often very difficult to contact due to his tendencies of communicating via hand-made postcards. Mr. Pauls’ poetry has been featured at several poetry readings and published in haute couture magazines in his native Switzerland. A collection of dozens of his hand-made postcards was compiled by Neo-Syriac Magazine in early 2006.

Hidden Gem

2006-07-07T10:08:00.000-07:00

New and just in!
(A downright must see)

Be delighted with
  salad bar lanterns.

Feel pleasure from
  roughhouse no-nonsense.

Develop better relationships with
  thigh hesitations.

First thing tomorrow, this is going to explode!
       - Cornelius McCarthy

Growing up on Long Island, New York, Mr. McCarthy has been writing poetry since the early 1980s but has slowed down considerably since 2001. His earlier works were short bursts of graffiti on buildings around the Chelsea Piers in New York City. It wasn’t until 1991 that Mr. McCarthy was approached by Nick-Eared Magazine to collect as many of these images as possible for publication. Since then, Mr. McCarthy has seen a brief volume of poems and short stories published by Berlin’s Sarua Publishing Haus.

Polarize Coal

2006-07-06T10:07:00.000-07:00

On Sazuc
   Guess what I saw:
      Cash, shroving time

On Jauih
   Guess what I heard:
      Success, wax ended

With Luhiu
         I found filthy eratosthenes rhodolite.

With Naiia
         I have antiquity adulterate.

To Nofad:
Find that perfect timepiece performed under the radar.

To Daaer:
May her pennies profile the return in non-negritic needle furze.
       - Coty Muench

Born to career military parents, Ms. Muench has spent most of her life traveling. As a result, her poems and short theater sketches often include dialects and dialogues in several languages. In 1976, Ms. Miench started working on creating her own language but later joined the Esperanto movement in 1978. Her “Polarized Coal” poem is an example of her polyglot tendencies.

The Sad Truth

2006-07-05T10:06:00.000-07:00

Handsome looks and riches
don’t matter
without adequate manhood.
- Shonda Farish

Mrs. Farish is a native of New Orleans but moved away in 2005 due to the flooding caused by the levee system failures. She has been composing poems and Dixieland-style songs from spam since 1987 but refuses to write anything new until she is allowed to return home. “The Sad Truth” was one of her last poems and was written while riding on a bus carrying members of her church parish away from New Orleans during the evacuation.

Conversation on an Empty Telephone

2006-07-03T10:05:00.000-07:00

Hello?
Mr?
Want to please your woman?
Ms?
Well?
How are you guys?
Need some help?
Hello?
- Abisai Martel

Ms. Martel was born in 1942 in Denmark. Her parents were born in South Africa and moved to Denmark in the late 1930s where they now own several small tourist shops around Kiel. Ms. Martel has been writing poetry since 1988 and has won several competitions around Europe for her work. Her featured poem “Conversations on an Empty Telephone” is her most recognized piece, but it’s also her shortest. She is currently working on an epic length poem describing the terrors of the Hobbes Rebellion of 1498 where religious factions and slave traders clashed at the Port of Esbjerg.